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I don't know why one of my mom's friends Donnie (more like family and was a nurse for 35 yrs) keeps calling me on her cell from my mom's MC room (with mom right there), stating that she is visiting my mom and that my mom told her she wants to leave. I've told Donnie multiple times that she says the same thing to me everytime I see her. I mean of course, she doesn't want to stay there, would we? So, I asked her last week to not call me from the MC facility or in mom's presence to talk about her. She just called again with the speaker phone on from mom's room...UGGGH!!


I'm sure its not intentional and this concerns her (my mom saying she wants to leave), it bothers me too even though I know her mind will soon move on to something else (which does help me cope in a way with her wanting to leave), and I did tell her that. I knew I shouldn't of answered the phone call when I saw her name, but I did and regret it. As soon as her 1st sentence came out, I was in tears.... I'm her healthcare advocate not her POA (that's my bros area). What does she think I can do about this and how does she think its helpful to anyone speaking in front of my mom about my mom? It's hard enough for me to hear my mom say these things multiple times a visit to me but, I am finding it even more difficult to deal with others calling me and reporting it to me. I was getting ready to leave and visit her shortly and now I'm a crying mess and don't know if I can do it. Thanks in advance for any insight or comments.

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Are you sure that her friend is wrapped right? Sounds a little off to me, the friend is adding fuel to the fire. Don't answer the phone, no reason to.
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I would question mom's friend. Something is not right with a person who would do that, if they have had the situation explained and know better. Therefore, I'd question her ability to reason. Is there someone you could talk with to find out what's going on with this lady? If she's not able to help the situation, then, I'd have to prevent her from hurting it. So, I'd have to address how to keep her from supporting the "going home" theme, whatever that takes. Even if you don't answer the phone, friend may be in the room visiting and encouraging the discontent. If she isn't a help, I wouldn't let her make things worse.

Don't cry though. It's sad, but, you are in the right here. Nothing wrong with providing any explanation that you like or none, as Barb says. That's up to you. Whatever works.
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You say you shouldn't have answered the phone, but you did. So I would say that it is lesson learned at this point. If you do choose to answer the phone, whether it is on speaker or not, simply say gently "Donnie, I must insist you do not do this again". Say nothing else and gentle hang up the phone. React in this SAME way with the SAME words each time she calls. She will soon tire of it. It is odd that she does not, as a retired medical person, understand that this would be very harmful to your Mom. She may be a bit impaired herself. This isn't really something to cry over, so it may be triggering an overall sadness about this entire situation. It is OK to be sad about it. Tears are very healing. They let us feel grief, they wash it away and give us some relief. Then, on you go.
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Maybe mom's friend has dementia?

FG, being a caregiver for an elderly demented parent is not a job for the faint of heart, or for folks who are overly tenderhearted. You need to steel yourself to do what keeps mom safe, not necessarily what she wants.

It's a lot like giving antibiotics to your kid when they are ill.

Youre the adult. You know better. Agi e the friend on with "I know, were talking to mom's doctor about that that later this week. Please ask her to be patient. We're trying to get stuff put in place".

It's called therapeutic fibbing.
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