Mom's fixation on random unimportant things? - AgingCare.com

Mom's fixation on random unimportant things?

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She never tells me important stuff. Mom's fixation on random unimportant things is starting to drive me nuts! Whether it's things she needs or things she feels need to be done.She will tell me she needs paperbags or something not crucial and then tell me, "no hurry" but from that point on, she constantly asks until I give her what she wants and I do just to shut her up no matter how ridiculous it is. This is constant. It's always something. She lives with me and will panic that the garbage can hasn't been set out for the collectors when it's way too early, is this the dementia getting worse? Sometimes I feel like she is playing me to get me to do whatever she wants and when I finally get irritated and tell her these things are not emergencies and that I will take care of them just not that second, she gets pouty and apologizes and then I feel bad ontop of irritated. Then I get things for her as requested and it isn't quite what she wanted. Sometimes it's all I have not to lose it. I have had discussions about this behavior with her and she agrees that most of her requests are not critical but she goes right back to the same behavior. Anyone else go through this? She never tells me important stuff like she isn't feeling well or she fell until I discover something isn't right.

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* Hugs Back * thanks Nikki, I am sure your right. It's just so hard to keep your cool when she has ignored serious health issues so many times and will not hesitate going on and on about the stuff that isn't important. I am a very down to earth, common sense kind of gal so when she fell and ripped her leg open so that guts were falling out and she refused to go to the ER until she had her makeup all on! This is a pattern of illogical thinking and this happened before she had dementia! Now that I have been through numerous situations like this where things could have easily been avoided with the tiniest bit of common sense, it gets more difficult for me to remain the angel of patience. One day, I will write a book, Lord knows I have enough material!
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Rainey and Yogagirl, sending you both hugs from someone that totally understands! XO
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I'd say a lot of it - like with my mom - has to do with their core personality. You know, the old "type A vs. type B" stuff... ;) My mom has always been a little neurotic; God love her, so, yeah... it's part of the personality. But she obsessions where she would hang onto one thing got really nuts for about - oh, a year, year and a half... something like that. And I remember thinking to myself, 'man, she can't remember anything anymore, but I wish to God she would forget this ONE thing!' But yeah, it does pass, and with this disease, there will come a time when you actually might miss her droning on about something silly and random and getting fixated on it because each stage shuts them down a little bit more. We are in about Stage 6 of Vascular so I understand...
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Jola11,
Yep, that sounds about right but of course today, she tells me she is having UTI symptoms and I ask her how long she has been experiencing this and she say's, "Oh three or four days, I thought it would just go away." This woman was a nurse her whole life, she drives me crazy for being low on dishwashing soap but won't tell me she is experiencing pain and frequency with urination. * Pounds my head against the wall * This is equally as nerve racking.
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My 90-year-old mom has been doing this type of thing regularly for some time. Having fewer than 8 or 10 eggs in the refrigerator can quickly become an egg emergency. There are other items--milk, bread, trash bags, AA batteries, distilled water--virtually anything she's either out of or is worried about running low on. If I don't get to the store the same day or the next, I'll continue to hear about it till I do....even if I've assured her it's been put on the shopping list. Fortunately, she is very sweet and kind, so it's just the repetition factor.

Keeping a copy of our grocery list on the kitchen counter where she can see it has helped somewhat.

It helps to hear that there are others with a similar situation.
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Yogagirl, I cannot imagine both parents doing this, one being obsessed is enough! Please feel free to vent to me anytime, we can at least be each others support system, and believe me, I am so grateful for this website, there is only so much my husband wants to hear so I have nobody else to talk to about my frustrations with my first experience dealing with dementia. It seems all friends dissapear too because I am no longer the happy go lucky gal I used to be. Don't get me wrong, I would not wish her to be anywhere else or I would worry she was not being properly cared for and I will at least know I made the end of her life as best as I could make it for her. It's just frustrating at times going through these phases and comforting others like you and Nikki know exactly what I am talking about!
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Nickki and Rainey, Same deal here times two!
Mom and dad both do it. They work each other up into a frenzy.
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Oh Nikki, that is exactly it!!!!!! OBSESSED! It is enough to put you right off a cliff sometimes. Thank you so much because you described it to a T, and YES, I am relieved to know someone else has experienced this and even happier to know it will pass. How long did this phase last and what meds do you recommend? I may approach the subject with her doctor. Thanks sooooo much, what a relief because I can find nobody who really experienced exactly what I am going through right now.
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You wrote: She just fixates because she refuses to join groups, meet new people, so she relies on me to be her whole world........ omg do you have my mother ????? This was exactly what I went through; to a tee. It does pass though. But if she has my mom's personality, eventually she may need meds as her moods get more erratic and anxious.
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omg my mom did this in the moderate stage... she is more severe now, but when it was moderate, she would ask about, for example, getting plants for the yard. Then it would be like an OBSESSION to get the plants. When will we get the plants? Make sure you remember we need the plants. When are we going to pick out the plants? Do you think we'll be going out for the plants today? Remember we need plants.... ARGHHHHH!!!!! Yes! Yes, this is common and I went through this with her. Just know you are not alone! The phase does pass (as they all do...) - Just reassure her - she is trying to have some control over something totally uncontrollable for her; her brain.
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