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Mom fell in late August. Although she did break anything she spent 4 days in the hospital, mainly for a ton on testing. After that it was 3 week in rehab, which she hated! One moved to AL she had 2 minor falls which prompted them asking her to move out saying she needed more care. They did let us stay about two months as long as we had a private care giver with her during her waking hours. We did this so we could find a nice place rather than having to move to the first one that would take her. Mom has been in the NH for two weeks. It really is a lovely place and similar to her last place but much smaller. Of course she hates it but when asked why she can't really come up with anything beyond her having to give up her cat. I get that - but my brother and I searched the two months to find one that would take a cat with no sucess. Kitty lives with my brother now and he can bring kitty for visits, although we think it will only make things worse right now and are waiting for her to get a little more settled in - mom, not kitty. Okay - three days then mom fell and got a bruise on her knee. Then a week later she fell but no bruise or any other marks for that matter. Two days later - yesterday - she fell in the morning. Again no pain, bruising,etc. They said "it was if she just sat down". I went to see her as Friday is one of my regular days - I've visited every Friday afternoon for five years. I was with one of the head admin ladies when I opened the door by coincidence - she had been walking my way. Mom was laying on the floor. But get this - she had made a little bed on the floor complete with two bed pillows and a blanket. Logistically it would have been impossible for her to have merely pulled thoses items off her bed while laying there. At first mom only saw the admin lady - she actually smiled at her. After about 30 seconds I said "mom, why are you napping on the floor?" She saw me and all hell broke loss - the pain, oohhh the pain! I left to pick up some rxs for her. I had my son with me and he tends to laugh at inappropriate situations. Plus I knew she would calm down easier if I wasnt there. I get back an hour later - just as my brother was arriving and I fill him in. We get to her room and other than her being grumpy it was if nothing had happened. We talk for awhile and after a bit my brother asks about why she was on the floor. She said she was getting something. So I ask about the bedding and she says "how do you know that?" I reply I saw it. She launches into wanting to move in with me. For the 100th time I explain why that's impossible. My brother goes back to the floor thing and she switches gears and starts pretending she doesn't know who he is. Mind you, she was pretty sharp until that moment. I wasn't going to sit through her go-to routine - personalized Who's On First - when she gets caught up in her own schemes - so I said goodbye. My mother has ALWAYS been a master minipulator but now that the brain cells aren't firing most of her schemes have become pretty transparent. A few days ago she told my brother people were stealing from her and that the head admin guy was molesting her. When my brother asked for a little supporting evidence she said because a nursing aide had painted her fingernails and that they were cutting her meat for her at meals. ???????? Do you think she's trying to make us think she's not being well taken care of and that we will move her, again? Frankly, I'd burn my house to the ground before I'd let her move in with me! Thoughts? Ideas? I'm a little worried she might accidentally really hurt herself in one of her "falls".

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Just a word of caution for you SophieBird and Rainman: that your elder doesn't also accuse you of abusing them, claiming you pushed them down.
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I don't know how you stay, Sophie. You have to be absolutely exhausted. I know you have a sense of responsibility, but I wondered if there is any way you could get away from him. Some people can get so full of themselves that it can drain others completely to try to take care of them. It being dementia or something else doesn't make it any easier on the person being drained. Maybe you should contact the social worker yourself to see what kind of relief there is for this situation.
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Jessiebelle, as I write my H is back in his 3rd hosp in as many wks. Someone contacted the county social worker, got him admittedfrom ER for transfer to a rehab facility. He was then sent to VA out of state, I thought for this but a week later they sent him home without so much as a heads up to me. He had spent the full wk in a wheelchair, no walking at all and returned home weaker than ever. His regular PT (whom I suspect contacted social services) saw him the next day. Advised to be careful etc till stronger. The min I turned my back for but 5 mins, hubs got up and fell on the floor twice in the same day. So off to hosp # 3 he went still un hurt luckily. I think they might put him in rehab this time. I have gotten so fed up with this that I no longer call 911. I put the phone beside him and walk away. Saying I will only call if he is unconscious or bleeding. Sounds heartless. The trouble is he is very bright congenial and the staff comes to love him. And since he is oriented to time and place they can't keep h if he wants to return home. I am also really fouled up now because he couldn't get into his checking account recently which he had given me access to, changed the passwords and now he is overdrawn with big bill being auto pulled. I feel like walking away but can't stop wondering if he actually fell and such so here I stay despite his threats to kick me out because I am trying to "control him". So exhausting. I like him better when he can't do anything. It's like watching a two year old and a 15 year old who isn't going to let anyone tell him anything.
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So pretty clearly an attention gambit.
She has treated you to a dramatic performance, any chance you and your brother can treat her to one?
Meet outside her door or somewhere where you know she will "overhear" you;
You; "I'd love to take her to (favorite activity, outing, destination, etc), but with all of these falls she's been having do you think it's safe?"
Brother: "I don't know. She HAS been falling a lot, & I'd hate for her to get hurt"
You; "I know, but I'm sure she'd love it, and her friends will be there...."
Him; "Why don't we give it a week and see how she does? If she doesn't have any falls we can take her"
(you & sibling enter her room after a bit more small talk, but do not talk about the outing)...
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Sophie, I have a feeling that you are right. Why they do things may not be apparent, but they do. It can be for attention or maybe they want the stimulation of going to a doctor/hospital... or maybe they don't want to do something that is planned. One thing you could try is calling 911 to pick him up, but then don't take him to the ER. Go ahead with your day as planned. If he isn't hurt there is no need to do anything but get him up and carry on.
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Baker Act her. I am serious, this is time for a 72 psych eval and appropriate medication titration. Get counseling yourself for how to respond a narcissistic, manipulative, controlling parent. When my MIL sobbed " I want Jesus to come and get me!!" I shot her a warning look and said " You don't tell Jesus what to do. He comes when He decides, not when you decide". She actually looked up and winced an apology to the sky.
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Sadly refreshing to read this. My husband does the same thing. He has "fallen" countless times and only the first time actually gotten hurt, which put him in rehab for a month. His first day back I ended up calling 911 three times to stand him back up. He has been off to the ER in the ambulance so many times I can't count but nearly monthly, generally holidays, or when I might visit my sister for the afternoon. He, thankfully, has never had so much as a scratch on him, but what are odds of that with a real balance related fall. I have actually watched him roll out of his chair onto the floor when he thought he wasn't observed. He does have some form of Parkinson's but atypical it seems, though medications help with this. It makes me sound heartless to think a large part of this is a character issue rather than PD related. No one seems to think it could be attention seeking behavior, but I am convinced otherwise. He is charming and friendly but extremely manipulative and seems to have everyone fooled. It is exhausting.
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Sheez! Wishing for the dozenth time we had an edit option. Clarifying - she did not break anything on the first fall. Once we moved her to AL not one. And when I opened the door it was not a coincidence - lol - the coincidence was that the admin lady happen to be with me. Friends don't let friends post on just one cup of coffee!
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We have a similar thing going on with grandma. She even broke hr back a few years ago playing those dangerous manipulative games. She even admitted to the emergency nurse that sha was doing it for attention. As far as ive seen, she'd only had one real fall, and that was from a medication problem.

After we wised up to what she was doing, we just told her point blank, that if she seriously hurt herself doing this she will absolutely have to leave her home. We are not capable of caring for her at home if shes terribly injured.
Which is completely true. Grandma seems pretty senile sometimes, but i know a lot of that is a show too. But just being brutally honest with her seemed to work.
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Rainmom.....The other advice you have gotten is great stuff. Here is what I myself offer in light of my own experience.

Keep her in the NH, let her go through her stage of dramatics. She is so much like my father, who is a hound for attention and will stop at nothing to make the daughter look bad.

Honestly, have a little faith in the NH staff, do NOT hover. Please give it at least 6 MONTHS. It seems it is such a drastic change in living situation that it taks a very long time to adjust.

Visit, check in with staff frequently, take a deep breath and do not get caught up in the drama......sounds like CRAZY MAKING at it's finest. Look that term up...will shed some light on dementia behavior!

Good luck to you and do what you can to preserve your sanity.
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