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I am a caregiver for my boyfriends 87 yr. old mother who I feel has dementia or Alzheimer's. I have taken her to the Geriatrics Dr. and she says to me she is fit as a fiddle and I was like REALLY!!!!! Merle used to be a nurse asst. so she likes to get that Dr./Nurse level. She has a very nasty mouth to me, lies, calls me names, when I bring it to her sons attn. she lies to him and says I never said or did those kind of things. Which in turn he thinks I am lying. I feel like I am fricking loosing my mind. So what kind of Dr. do I take her to now? Neurologist?

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The MD wants only to make the patient happy, not you. So tell the son he goes to the MD with her, because you are the "bad guy". She won't go to a neurologist either. Oh, and make sure she drives the car when he goes with her. That was a real eye opener for my husband who kept insisting his mom was "just fine". He got out of that car clutching his chest, wide-eyed.
Don't discuss her memory losses in front of her, she will become very hostile. She is obviously "showtiming" for the son and the MD. It took me a long, long time to make the son see the decline; he was in denial.
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Hidden video cam.
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Sandy, what does your BF think is wrong with his mother? If she needs a caregiver (you) then she must have impairments. What does he think they are?

I suppose it is possible that Merle really is mentally fit and she simply hates you. She is being mean to you because she wants to, and then she lies about it so as not to ruin her reputation. That seems unlikely to me, but it is possible. If your BF thinks you are lying to him, I'm not very optimistic about your relationship.

How about this? Get a different job. Perhaps even get a caregiving job, but not for a relative. Let BF arrange other care for his mother, or do it himself. Whether she has dementia as yet not diagnosed or she just plain hates you, you are not the right person to care for her.
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My husband was diagnosed with "dementia" by our primary physician when I told her some of his symptoms, but she told him to make an appointment with a neurologist, and she recommended one very highly. At that time, my husband was able to drive. The neurologist called me several days after the appointment to tell me that my husband had dementia; he agreed with our primary doctor's findings. I didn't want to believe either one of them so I decided to get a third opinion by taking him to see a geriatrics doctor. She had her nurse put him through a battery of written and oral tests, and the result was, the doctor told me, "He came through with flying colors." She said to my husband, "You're fine; there's nothing wrong with you!"

But the geriatrics doctor was dead wrong, and our primary physician and neurologist were both right!
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I agree with Willows - If I had left my mother to the doctors she would not be 103. Don't always believe all that the doctors say and don't be afraid to get a second opinion. I like the hidden camera.
She's your boyfriend's mother, not even your mother in law. I say get out of this situation while the getting is good! Either he needs to get his mother in a place where she's cared for if needed or in her own apartment. If she's broke, there are HUD apartments for the elderly. If not, you can still rethink what you're doing there.
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I had an ex-mother-in-law who acted the same way. She was an alcoholic. Does your BDFs mother drink? My MIL died at age 52 from an alcohol overdose.
Even if she is not a currently active alcoholic, but has not done the work (12 steps, etc) she may have the same "dry alcoholic" behavior.
If it's not that, then perhaps she is just a beatch.
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Why do you think they call it "practicing medicine?" Over 93,000 patients a year die due to medical "errors." I know about my husband's condition and what he needs better than any doctor. And you can take that to the bank!
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shakingdustoff: wow...that was nasty. Sounds to me like you're blowing DUST, not shaking it off. This woman is just trying to help, is over her head and seems to realize it by coming here to speak about it. Personally, I'd dump this guy AND his mother.
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I have found the neurologist is no more helpful than the geriatric doctor. When my mother first had her stroke in '09 (and we didn't know it then), we took her to the ER. The ER docs and tests didn't see it. Mom was not acting right (i.e. confusion and memory loss). We FINALLY got an appt to see the neurologist and were anxiously awaiting the diagnosis cause we knew---we KNEW mom was off. The MRI showed the site of the stroke but the initial standard test that they gave to her resulted in her 'passing'! We all said, "Are you kidding me"?!! The test really reveals nothing. It took a second time to show the damage of what had occurred.
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Sandy please, please please ignore Shakingdustoffs response. This member does not represent what Aging Care is about. We are here to support each other NOT put you down!!

Now back to your question..... I think seeing a neurologist is a great idea.... Let your bf know you would like him to come along.. You're not alone with this issue many of us on here deal with this daily...Hugs..You're doing great..
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