My Mom's totally dependent on someone to stay with her at home and her money is running out. What do we do?

Don't count on the IRS to overlook the lack of taxes being paid for caregiver's salaries. If you sent in a tax form with that information now it might catch someone's attention.

Spend down mom's money so she'll be eligible for Medicaid. She'll have to go into a NH because you won't have the kind of care available for her that you have now with home healthcare.

There are so many people in the same situation as your mom's. People are outliving their money.

DO NOT PAY A SERVICE !!!!!! Vetangels.org will do it for FREE ! This is what they do. They are WONDERFUL people and ALWAYS get back with me in a timely fashion. Veterans Angels Inc Good Luck.

Thank you so very much for all your replies. I will check with vetangels.org but I've already checked with the local Agency on Aging. What I can't do is give up my life to move in with my mother. I also provide care for my grandson while my daughter works and I need to help my husband with his business. Even if I didn't have those responsibilities, I wouldn't move in with my mother.

There is also what is called the Medicaid Waiver Program. If your mother is income eligible, the possibility exists for her to receive services for a set amount of hours per day. There is also a possibility that "you" as her caregiver, can be paid for the hours granted to her by the program. Ask your local Department of Aging and make sure you get in touch with VetAngels.org. There "is" help and do not settle for "no" as an answer. I have been taking care of my mother for ten years now and am blessed and grateful that I never took "no" for an answer.

Handsome Pilot - Good for you and your mom that you made a difficult decision and have not regretted it. Not all of us can - or are willing to - do that. Your response makes a lot of assumptions that aren't true for most people.
Daughter4 - Good luck to you. I didn't choose Pilot's path either and know that I've done everything within my power to take care of my mom in the best way possible. I don't regret my decisions either.

You should seek professional help with these concerns. I recommend that you start with Eldercare.gov and input your zip code to discover what your options are in your area.

I think that you, like I, should quit your life and move in full time and take care of your Mother. It's hard but you will not regret it. I lost 3 siblings to genetic cancer and I am the youngest child. I was a Captian with a Major Airline based in New England. I had the world by the tail and loving life. I knew what I had to do, so I quit, moved back to Kentucky and have been here 10 years. It's hard but you can do it. Good Luck

No one can charge you to fill out the forms — not a lawyer, an insurance company, or anyone else — if they do then run the other way!
The FTC correctly states:
It is free to apply for veterans’ benefits. If you’re completing the application yourself, don’t pay for forms. If someone is helping you, know that the people who are accredited through the VA are not allowed to charge you to help you complete and submit VA paperwork

Try VA again, do claim the sitter's pay, and do go through the inconvinience of taxes. Remember these taxes are funding the future benefits for which the caregiver will be eligible, that is why the IRS will not look the other way on it.

These replies about being willing to do all the paperwork must be coming from people who have nothing else to do. My sisters and I all have families, grandchildren, jobs, personal bills, etc. to deal with and adding more to our plates is not an answer. The VA and the IRS do not want anyone to get the benefits and so they make it as hard as possible. I know, because I've already been through all the rigamarole involved for my mother, and am still going through it. Not to whine, but just to put it in perspective: my daughter, who is going through a contentious divorce, and my grandson are staying, temporarily, with me until she can find a home she can afford. I take care of my 16 month old grandson 4 evenings a week, 2:30pm to 12:30am, so that she can work. I go into my job every day, Monday through Friday and sometimes Saturday, 10am-2:30pm, and drive 30 miles and back each Wednesday and Sunday to stay with my mother overnight. In between, I have to manage our (my husband and my) personal bills, taxes, etc. and the business accounts, go to the market, buy the groceries and lug them into my home and put them away, usually alone. I have to clean the house and usually am the only one maintaining the yard. This is just a snapshot of my life and I want NO sympathy. Just saying that additional tax and paperwork is not something I want to embrace. The situation is similar for my middle aged sisters, just different responsibilities, such as ailing husbands, etc. We're tired, my mother is 90 years old, and physically strong, so we're looking at years more of responsibility with her and all that entails. And, btw, we're not trying to avoid giving to the IRS their due, or future recipients their due, by trying to avoid additional paperwork. We're just darn tired and trying to do the best we can.