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Mom can barely walk. Sometimes she waits too long to go pee and will leak. I've put the potty next to her bed, but she won't use it. She won't shower when asked because she want's to do it when she wants to (but she'll forget or thinks she already did it). She sleeps all day. She barely eats because she is not hungry or food doesn't digest. She is diabetic and without eating, it's difficult to manage her sugar. I am currently not working but will eventually have to. Mom doesn't qualify for Medi-Cal due to income being a little over the limit so I can't put her in a nursing home. Anyone is similar situation? If so, what did you do?

Has your mother been paying you for taking care of her? Is she paying for her share of food/household products? If not, these are things that she could have been paying for that might have qualified her for MediCal. Keep a log of her expenses in case there are any questions. She needs to be seen by a doctor for evaluation due to the changes in her health & diabetic control. She's not refusing some of these things, it's the dementia that's got her behaving this way. It's not because she doesn't listen or know better. Your mother should pay for the elder law attorney's appointment & assistance as it is she that needs the advice. Have your questions & concerns written down when you go in. Go see the attorney & take their advice. May need to consider Hospice if doctor is unable to find a cause for her decline.
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Reply to ToniFromRVA
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careformickey Aug 19, 2020
About 3 years ago, when mom moved in, she barely had enough money for all her living cost (including numerous prescriptions). She wanted her own senior apartment. A regular senior apartment was too much so I singned her up for the one with government aid, which had a long waiting list. I convinced her to move in with me until there was an opening. At that time, she turned over her income to me. I was to pay her bills, provide her meals, order her prescriptions, buy her toiletries, clothing as needed, etc. Then what was left, she had me use it as I pleased (in lieu of room and care.) She put this in writing. She also gave me POA sometime later. Since she was declining, it was not an option to move her into her own place. So she continues to live with my hubby and I. I heard elder lawyers were expensive and I'm afraid mom's savings might not cover all, but I will have to deal with that when time comes and I do more research. Thank you for your advise. It will be helpful as I dig in deeper.
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You probably don’t need a miller trust. California is one of the states that allows you to pay a share of cost, or in other words, spend down your excess income on your health care. So if your mom is within a couple hundred dollars above the income limit, you could take out a dental policy or another supplemental or a prescription plan. You should apply for Medi-cal & get her assigned to an eligibility worker, they can explain how to properly spend down the excess income in order to qualify.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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careformickey Aug 18, 2020
I read in other posts that if you don't properly apply for medi-cal, it could hurt your qualification and you can't reapply for a long time. They advice you to hire an elder law attorney, which could be very costly. So I didn't know what to do. I'm thankful for your input and others input so I can be better informed. I will have to get serious and figure out what to do. I don't know how much longer before mom becomes immobile. Thank you again.
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You need to see a lawyer who can set up a Miller trust so she can qualify for medi-cal. Then you have her physician declare that she needs nursing home care. Contact your local Area on Aging for more assistance, but she definitely can qualify and get admitted to a nursing home.
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Reply to mstrbill
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careformickey Aug 18, 2020
Thank you for your input. It's the first time I've heard of Miller trust. I will look it up.
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