My mom has been out of her house for a year. She is very confused and can't make a decision. I asked her permission to start packing up her stuff and possibly move towards selling house. She still thinks she will be home someday. She can’t come home to live for she is safer where she is. We been having this same conversation for a long time. I don’t want to feel guilty and just start packing up stuff anyways. I need peace and guidance on what to do. I’m very saddened by it all the house has been part of the family for over 50 years. I understand why she doesn’t want to let it go. But I feel its time because the house sits empty with no one living there.
There are so many things that can happen, esp if it isn't local to any of you and sits unchecked. One very cold night (which we've been getting these past few days in the north east!!!) can cause major damage if the heat happens to fail. Break ins can happen. Critters can move in and do some damage too. The special policy we had to get required checking on it - didn't matter for me, I was there so many times/week for almost 2 years, working on getting it clean, clear and fixed!!! I was SO happy after it sold!!!
We had considered rental, but before even finishing the above, I'd had it. Who needs the extra work of being a landlord? Despite having 2 brothers, I was already doing most everything, for the condo, for mom, etc. and would end up being said landlord! Nope. Didn't need calls any time of day or night if something is wrong, didn't need to worry about deadbeats or damage, just sell it and get that Albatross (thanks JoAnn29!!) off my neck!!
You got some good advice on a similar question you asked back in November. I can see with the holidays this decision was put on the back burner. Looks like I didn't reply to that one.
I am with Alva here. The best thing you can do is sell the house. My Moms didn't sell till 2 yrs after her death. She went into an AL in 2016, LTC 2017 where she passed that year. I put her house up for sale in 2015. A 125yr old Farm house that my parents never had the money to properly keep up. Especially after my Dads death in 2006. I tried to get Mom to move into an apt. A lot of her monthly income was going to taxes. There were reasons why the house didn't sell till 2019 and then the price I got only covered the taxes (which I stopped paying once Mom was on Medicaid) and the Medicaid lean of 6k, (Mom passed 2 1/2 months after receiving Medicaid). We kids got 10k split 3 ways. The place was falling apart. And from 2015 to 2019 it just got worse. No one wanted to buy a house that needed so much work. The only upside, was I took my time cleaning out. But what a relief when it sold. Once Mom was on Medicaid, I was out of pocket for the utilities. I did stop the phone service when Mom moved out. I kept the thermostat at 55. Left one light on at night on a timer. I left the car in the drive to look like the house was lived in. But it was an Albatross around my neck. A weight was lifted when I signed those sale papers.
Your Mom will never be able to return to her house. Yes, she may always say "I want to go home". It may not even mean the home she grew up in, it may mean the one she grew up in. One day she may forget both.
My suggestion is sell. But you need to get Market Value if Mom ever needs Medicaid. The proceeds can only be used for her and you need to keep good records. My Realtor accessed by house but I wish I had used an accessor. Start cleaning out the nonessential stuff. My MIL hoarded magazines that she neatly put in a closet. First thing to go, as were books. What you, sister or other family members don't want sell or give away. I know what its like to sell a home you were raised in. Its kind of bitter sweet. My Moms house looks so good. The owner has changed the whole look. I kind of using the present structure for support.
If she is not competent, you don't need her permission as she isn't really capable of giving it. In that case, I would not even talk to her about it as it would be too upsetting to her.
It is sad to think of selling a house that has been a big part of your family but it does often become the logical and realistic thing to do.
I hope you have siblings that can help you with this huge task. Even if you are not ready to totally pack up and sell, you can start working on the "low hanging fruit". Get rid of anything that is not worth saving ASAP. Even if, by some miracle, mom was able to come home, I am 99% certain there is a lot in that house that can be thrown out without a second thought. You could always start working on that first level of items while you figure out the rest.
Good luck.
You can only do what you can do. I wish you luck.