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She has recently begun to leak urine and her mattress is soaked. I do not know where to turn except social services. I am unable to get through on the phone to social services. I am willing to wait until she is confined to the hospital but I must have her removed from our home at some point. I hate to have her forcibly removed from the house. Or do they even remove people who have nowhere to gob the nursing home? She has been living with us for 4 years and she is 76 years old. My mother will be traumatized by her leaving. Yet I do feel morally obligated to put a stop to this. Should I wait till she is hospitalized to act? What are my options?



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Some options depend on whether mom and/or companion are competent to make their own decisions. If APS cannot or will not do anything, the legal route is the one to take. Companion's hostility is probably based on her accurate perception that you value your mom's well-being ahead of her need for room and board and she will undoubtedly try her best to get you out of the picture so she can keep doing what she is doing and comfortable with. Your mom likes her and will want to defend her despite her behavior being indefensible.

If you try and find yourself blocked out, at least you will have tried. Sorry to see you having to try to deal with a mess like this. There is a strong predisposition in the system to let competent adults live life as they choose until it is well beyond the point of danger to self and others, for better or for worse.
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Could be a matter of landlord tenant law...if the "rent" was services instead of money...you, as "landlord" have the role of keeping the place habitable, and many places not only permit but require an annual saftey inspection. Not habitability can be grounds for eviction....while it might not be the answer to turn someone out, that could be a means to let you legally assess the situation...I would check that route, in addition to calling APS...any other housemate would have been gone a long time ago , if it was just the fact of renting a room...given the caregiving aspect, if it was me, I would check both. And also what labor laws cover these situations in your area.
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You don't have to wait to ask Adult Protective Services for their evaluation. There are unsanitary conditions in your opinion and probably fire hazard in your opinion. They will have their own opinion, and it may or may not rise to their level of concern. So, waiting for hospitalization may not help you. APS may not agree that things are bad enough for you to refuse to let her back in, especially since you do not have ownership of the home, and have no current legal standing. My sisters and I thought our Mom's home was terrible...but APS said they had bigger fish to fry after seeing it. No windows or exits were blocked by the buildup, and there were no dead animals. They did not see it as a fire hazard overall. But if you are right, then you will have support for beginning to address changes rather than waiting for a disappointing opinion when the hospital stay happens.
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Maggie: Wait, how can the room be the hoarder's property? It is the home owner's.
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Betrayed: You have just answered your own question in that you don't want your mom living in these conditions.
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The inappropriate urinating and hoarding are going to breed disease, never mind the stentch! There has to be another solution b/c she can't continue to live there.
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What no one seems to remember is that Hoarding in itself is a disease. That doesn't mean I would want my Mom living around it but it does mean the companion has mental issues along with her physical ones. It is difficult for me to believe there wouldn't be lots of help available. I believe the others have given great legal advice and direction and I hope you will follow it. One more thing, when you pray for your Mom don't forget to pray for her companion. Bless you all!
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Boy, when u read back what u wrote. I have a small window on my tablet so hard to see it all at once till its posted. Sorry
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First, talk to a lawyer. If thi woman has no money you may get her into a nursing facility under medicaid. If she does go to the hospital if she goes to rehab haveher ealuated for a longterm nursing. Explain tht she is not a relative and you can not take care of her with the care of your mother. Its nice that she was a help to you but things have changed. You allowed her to live there rent free so she was paid. Do not take on a POA or MPOA for her. You should not get legally involved. If no family or money the state can take over her care. But, ask a lawyer I just giving u some ideas.
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My advice is to speak with an Elderlaw attorney. Was this tenant hired by your mother as her personal companion and caretaker? If so is she independent or working for an agency. This is a red flag. Independent caretakers may be good and others are not. If she is here illegally you may be able to get some help in removing her. Did your mother hire her when she was of sound mind. Has your mother's condition deteriorated? If she has dementia in any circumstance you need to seek legal assistance. Do you have Power of attorney over your mother's person and property? If so you can take charge of your mother's care and move her where she would be safe and well cared for. If not your next step may be court appointed guardianship of your mother. Either way the Elderlaw attorney can help you. Also, you need to call the local health department to document the home's condition and help with your case. The tenant/caretaker will be evaluated and possibly needs medical care herself. I would act sooner than later. Look online for elderlaw attorneys in your area as well as senior services through the state your mother resides. Best of luck, I hope you can get the appropriate care for your mother and the tenant is also assessed for health related issues.
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I feel sorry for you to an extent, that smell will eventually permeate the whole house and that has to be unhealthy to be in that room breathing that, let alone lying in a wet urine soaked bed. As for the hoarding, that is a FIRE hazard. If something would happen and the fireman could not get into save them, that would be a tragic loss for all involved. Plus (just me)....I would hate to think of the bugs/spiders, etc crawling around on stuff and possibly being bitten. Sounds like she holds onto things but since it is her stuff I don't know if you can legally remove her stuff, unless you have a fire police person come in and talk to them about the dangerous situation they are placing all of you in (meaning possibly being homeless). Good luck.
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GET HER OUT NO MATTER WHAT...START THE EVICTION PROCESS!! SHE SOUNDS HORRIBLE...AND OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HERSELF EITHER!! UGH!
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I agree APS should be called, ASAP. I would NOT want the place where my ailing Mom lives to be overrun with cockroaches and mice.
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I sympathize with you, it seems that you are now caring for two instead of having a helper to share the load. The woman definitely needs some form of help, but it should not have to come from you! I hope APS can discover whether or not she has POA in place and who that might be. I hope they can help both you and her.
It sounds as though you are having to make some difficult choices about all your living arrangements going forward... would you be hiring another live in aide, move mom to assistive living or bring in an hourly home-care agency?
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I will monitor the situation daly by peeking into her room. She covered the bed yesterday with a blanket and the smell was not so strong. I believe I will askl APS to get involved while she is hospital confined. The path from the bed to the bathroom is so tiny that I can hardly believe she can walk through there, especially in the dark.
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I agree with Maggie on most points..but I don;t think you can just clean away... Maybe tell her a fiblet about "bugs in the house".. or something. Then tell her the lawyer said you need a contract of some sort.. that enables you to go into her room for health reasons? Offer to help her clean up?
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In most states, this lady is a tenant in your home. I would call Adult Protective Services and explain she was moved into your home to care for mom, she is now unwell herself and go on from there. They will have some ideas for you.

As to her room...legally, that is her private property. However, I wouldn't worry about 'legally.' Take photos before you start and clean away.

You've got a real mess on your hands in more ways than one.
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In answer to your very first question if this were my mom I would not want her living in filth & squalor. She is a very neat person and the mess would be very hard on her. The mess seems to be how the companion is comfortable, as there are items in her room which she has taken from the trash. Items I have thrown away. If she sees something at a good price in the grocery store she buys it and takes it to her room.

I did not know that you could not edit your post once posted. I have a number of errors in my grammatical errors in my previous post.
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Mom suffers from cognitive issues. She owns the house and her companion is very supportive of her but denigrates me to my mom every chance she gets. Therefore the hostility, which is of very recent origin. Therefore my screen name. The companion has so many health issues that I will only mention the major ones. COPD, severe spinal stenosis requiring use of a walker. Obesity, she is 5' & weighs 235 lbs. History of 3 strokes. She has visible blood in the urine, I see it on the couch and even the floor. She has also told me she has hematuria. She visits kidney doctor once a month. The hoarding keeps her from being able to use the oxygen provided to her. One of her knees needs replacing very soon.

I live in the house also & have since it was built. I was the caregiver for my grandmother & stepfather but they have passed on. Mom's health is not good but the worst problem she has is the short term memory loss poor judgement. She has had one major stroke and global strokes according to MRI.

Perhaps this will enable you to see why I feel responsible for her welfare. And she will be hospitalized periodicly. Frankly I will miss the companion's help as she help mom in spite of her disabilities. Mostly as a companion. But her room, which we are not allowed to view at all is a shambles and smells. She does not pay any expenses but that is acceptable to mom and to me both.
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First, imagine it was your mother in this position, what would you want to have happen? Does this woman have no family? Contacting them would be my first move, it sounds as though she needs help. You come across as very hostile toward this woman, but it sounds as though she is more than a tenant, but a friend and companion to your mother. What makes you think she will be hospitalized, has she an untreated condition that may lead to this?

You don't say anything about the condition of your own mother... would she be able to cope on her own? Might it be time for both of them to consider assistive living? You say she has been living with "us", do you live with them also, is this your home or your mother's? If it is your mother's home she has the right to share it with whomever she chooses, if it is yours know that you will have to go through a formal eviction process, this woman has the same rights as any tenant. Having her "forcibly removed" is not an option.
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