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My mother has dementia and my father is not able to take care of her..they are both 89. Dad, I think, is of sound mind and body. A caretaker was hired to take care of my mother..she is a very capable, attractive 30 years old. I have POA, but he and I got into a very big arugment (I am 70) .. I was taking up for the caretaker before other things came to l light. She lives downstairs and is full time. There is no privacy and she reports everything any of the siblings say to my father to one sister who is causing problems with all of us. I have been told to leave and never come back. I am not allowed to see my mother. My brother dropped in to see dad around 9:30 pm, just walked in as usual..the caretaker was sitting at my fathers feet with a very slinking nighgown on with much of her chest showing...he did not say anything to my father, because ..well, you have to know my father . He is very controlling and stubborn. He told me he took away POA, although I have not heard from anyone about this except him) and I cannot do anything. My mother is being put to bed very early and the caretaker is calling the house hers ... we are afraid he is about to be taken for a ride. The sister he talks to the most is a very good friend of the caretaker and is told every thing we say to dad..the sister is a taker and owes my dad thousands of dollars .. she had POA of my uncle and took $90,000 before found out. My father knows this, and Im not sure he trusts her, but the caretaker and sister are in cohoots. we do not know what to do...sounds like a soap opera doesnt it....but it isnt, and Im sure this has happened before. Any help out there?

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Does your dad have money? That is the only reason I can think of for a 30-year-old to wear a sheer nightie when she's around him at night. No offense to your dad, I'm sure he's a lovely man.

Is this person a healthcare worker or a friend of your sister's? Wearing an inappropriate nightgown crosses a boundary. It's unprofessional. Have you heard her refer to the house as hers? That's another boundary crossed. These 2 things are enough to get rid of her in my opinion, why wait to see if she milks your dad for money?

I'd get rid of her so fast she wouldn't know what hit her. You have POA. Has your dad given POA to anyone else? If you're stuck, called Adult Protective Services and have a little chat with them about this so-called caretaker. Have someone else lined up so there's still continuity of care and give Jugs the boot.
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i am in agreement with the call Adult Protective Services in your area they are the ones who can handle the caregiver. If you have POA over your mother make sure it is still current . and that dad did not change it to your sister the friend of the care taker. Good Luck .
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Get to a lawyer as fast as possible, one who specializes in elder care. If you can't afford the fee go to legal aid. Involve Adult Protective Services.
Unfortunately this happens all the time and cartakers inherit things they have no right to. Keep a very careful watch on your mother's medications. Can anyone physically stop you from walking into the house. Just because your father yells that is not a lock on the door. I understand your heritage but my question is do you fear your father's yelling more than you love your mother. Is your mother's name on the deed to the house. You can probably find this out by going to the county office building and see whoose names are listed. Do a web search there are lots of people out there with good information. Above all get this woman out she is not good for your mother's or your health even if she doesn't have designs on Dad or his money. Don't feel I am being disrespectful to you - I am also in my 70s
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Your father cannot revoke your mother's POA. Only your mother can do that.
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Get one of those lovely social workers to help,
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If the courts/APS were looking at this the term "undue influence" would come up -- what she is doing is trying to isolate your Dad from his family (you).
Maybe go visit your Mom along w/a sibling that your Dad isn't mad at? You risk involving another sibling, but it gives you a witness, & maybe Dad will put on better behavior as a show. So sorry to hear about situation.
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cleavage wouldnt work for me, im totally an ass man.. my point? i dont have a point. when i joined this group it wasnt required that i have a point. seriously, the carer could have access to my change jar if shed show me some ass cheek. its mostly nickles and metric bolts but ya know, id share em..
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Calicaregiver you are right that it is possible for a caregiver to have sincere feelings for the spouse of the person being taken care of. But ... 30 year old caregiver and 89 year old spouse? Come on! That is not May to December, that is January to December of the following year! I think some suspicion is justified here.

If Dad really is of sound mind (which prohibiting a daughter to see her mother raises questions about) then the only thing to monitor here is whether the caregiver is also doing a good job with Mother. Which is pretty hard to monitor if you can't visit with Mother!

If this WERE a soap opera, how likely would you be to believe that the 30 year old in the slinky nightgown had "sincere feelings" for the 89 year old man?
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hummingbird, it really is true isn't it.. 'there's no fool, like an old fool' and your dad isn't any different. Seems to me that the rest of your siblings have a lot to lose if dad falls for the old "boobs in the face" ploy, so I'd say get them together and come up with a plan of action. I'm inclined to let the old man find out the hard way, as long as mom is taken care of. But then again, that's just me.
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i spent the nickles on beer. the shyster will have to make do with the metric bolts..
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