I believe my mothers caretaker is coming onto my father. Any advise?

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My mother has dementia and my father is not able to take care of her..they are both 89. Dad, I think, is of sound mind and body. A caretaker was hired to take care of my mother..she is a very capable, attractive 30 years old. I have POA, but he and I got into a very big arugment (I am 70) .. I was taking up for the caretaker before other things came to l light. She lives downstairs and is full time. There is no privacy and she reports everything any of the siblings say to my father to one sister who is causing problems with all of us. I have been told to leave and never come back. I am not allowed to see my mother. My brother dropped in to see dad around 9:30 pm, just walked in as usual..the caretaker was sitting at my fathers feet with a very slinking nighgown on with much of her chest showing...he did not say anything to my father, because ..well, you have to know my father . He is very controlling and stubborn. He told me he took away POA, although I have not heard from anyone about this except him) and I cannot do anything. My mother is being put to bed very early and the caretaker is calling the house hers ... we are afraid he is about to be taken for a ride. The sister he talks to the most is a very good friend of the caretaker and is told every thing we say to dad..the sister is a taker and owes my dad thousands of dollars .. she had POA of my uncle and took $90,000 before found out. My father knows this, and Im not sure he trusts her, but the caretaker and sister are in cohoots. we do not know what to do...sounds like a soap opera doesnt it....but it isnt, and Im sure this has happened before. Any help out there?

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i spent the nickles on beer. the shyster will have to make do with the metric bolts..
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hummingbird, it really is true isn't it.. 'there's no fool, like an old fool' and your dad isn't any different. Seems to me that the rest of your siblings have a lot to lose if dad falls for the old "boobs in the face" ploy, so I'd say get them together and come up with a plan of action. I'm inclined to let the old man find out the hard way, as long as mom is taken care of. But then again, that's just me.
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Ok...fair enough. There is a huge age difference, and most likely the woman is dig gin' for gold, diamonds, and hard cold cash. I'm not trying to be non-supportive of this woman's dilemma. I just don't know what all the facts are. It's hard for me throw someone under the bus when there are always two sides to every story. I have been on the careTAKERS side, (but, not really because I am a careGIVER), and ive been on the family side of very similar issues. My grandfather went to Ft. lauderdale for 2 weeks, and came back married to my uncles secretary. One of the girls in his office told my aunt this same woman was heard telling other girls int the office..."if I can't get the young buck (my uncle), I'll nail the old man!" (My grandfather) he did have some money, and she did alienate him from his family, and took pretty much everything he had. Including my oldest son's college fund. But, my grandfather told me and Theresa of the family to butt out. He was happy for the first time in many, many years. He had been very lonely, and this woman (1/2 his age) made him feel young, and vibrant again. I loved my grandfather, and the bottom line is, I wanted no part of taking away his happiness. I guess I just believe that money is not always the most important thing. None of that is going to matter where we are all going anyway. You mentioned your dad is Italian. Ive known quite a few pretty well, and I have never known an Italian man to abandon the Mother of his children.....Familia....always first. So, I stand by my original post that I think dad should be given a little more credit, and left to live with his own decisions....again, I reiterate, if he is, in fact of sound mind.
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Calicaregiver you are right that it is possible for a caregiver to have sincere feelings for the spouse of the person being taken care of. But ... 30 year old caregiver and 89 year old spouse? Come on! That is not May to December, that is January to December of the following year! I think some suspicion is justified here.

If Dad really is of sound mind (which prohibiting a daughter to see her mother raises questions about) then the only thing to monitor here is whether the caregiver is also doing a good job with Mother. Which is pretty hard to monitor if you can't visit with Mother!

If this WERE a soap opera, how likely would you be to believe that the 30 year old in the slinky nightgown had "sincere feelings" for the 89 year old man?
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cleavage wouldnt work for me, im totally an ass man.. my point? i dont have a point. when i joined this group it wasnt required that i have a point. seriously, the carer could have access to my change jar if shed show me some ass cheek. its mostly nickles and metric bolts but ya know, id share em..
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If the courts/APS were looking at this the term "undue influence" would come up -- what she is doing is trying to isolate your Dad from his family (you).
Maybe go visit your Mom along w/a sibling that your Dad isn't mad at? You risk involving another sibling, but it gives you a witness, & maybe Dad will put on better behavior as a show. So sorry to hear about situation.
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Your posting caught my eye with the term "caretaker". Maybe I'm just sensitive to this term because it seems many family members think that is what an outside "caregiver" does....take. Anyway, it takes two to tango, and if your dad is of sound mind, why would you interfere with his choices. He's a grown man. It's possible that the caregiver/taker has sincere feelings for him. Also, you said that the caregiver allowed you to talk to your mom when dad stepped out for a walk. How bad can this woman be if she's risking her own job by going against her employers orders to not allow you any contact with your mom. If your dad, and caregiver are having an affair, I suggest you mind your own family, and leave the infidelity issues to the people involved. If your dad is being unfaithful to your mom, it's probably not the first time. He's not going to abandon your mom or would've already done that. Again, I'm going by your own statement that dad is of sound mind....I'm sure he knows a hustle when he sees one. Give him a little more credit. Being the oldest sibling, you probably have a tendency to micro-manage people or try to anyway. I think you SHOULD just concentrate on your own husband, children and grand children issues, and give your dad a break. You won't be able to change his mind or make him do something he doesn't want to do. Let him feel young again....you should be happy for him. Also, there is no notice required when a POA is revoked. At least in California, there is not. Good luck.
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Too many issues that could be resolved quickly by getting a different sitter/home health aid!
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You need to report. I am wondering if your uncle who lost the $90,000 reported it to ;police. Just because it is a relative who did it does not make it right. The fact that this same sister owes Dad thousands also does not look right. Turn all of this info in to Adult Protective Services when you file a complaint. I would also tell the police about the $90,000 and your uncle. This is a soap opera you do not deserve to have to endure.
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First call the social worker then call the police and have her removed immediately... She is trouble and can harm your mom.... Your mom can be endanger, my oppinon
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