Mom's 24/7 caregiver lost a job of 28 years 4 months earlier. 2.5 years later unpayed, isolateded by sisters, mom says stay, is this abuse? - AgingCare.com

Mom's 24/7 caregiver lost a job of 28 years 4 months earlier. 2.5 years later unpayed, isolateded by sisters, mom says stay, is this abuse?

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I the only son, am black sheep of family, for not continuing on in the Catholic church after 8th grade. Girls have never accepted me for that and mom has perpetually inssisted my life would be a living hell till I returned to church. After her stroke however she needed me,and I was there for her as I promised my dad I would. However the better she got the more she returned to old habits of recruiting me back to church. meanwhile as I notice the state of affairs my sisters have left mom,s financial situation in I suggest simple changes to leave mom much better off to stay in here home. The girls will agree to none regaurdless of evidence I supply. my oldest sister by 8 years is POA and persists to leave me un heard. My other sister says she never wanted me here and I best be ready to clear out within 30 days of her telling to. I spent my severance pay my 401k maxed my credit cards. Mom says she had a verbal agreement with each girl to pay her $100.00 or $135.00 a month I never got the straight answer on the exact amount, to help mom meet her bills in retiremnt, I,ve heard them both admit it. They say they stopped when I moved in because they were not paying for any food I were to eat. Years ago mom approached me for help, it seemed she had lent all her money to the girls, Steff the oldest about $55,000.00, Maureen the middle girl, around $98,000.00 as I recall I have some records to confirm amounts, anyway niether were happy when I informed them of the payment plan I insisted mom needed, but the payed back Maureen finishing about 1 month before mom's stroke 11/18/2010. Anyways since I've been here no brother in laws have been allowed to come over or discuss any issues. Steff and Maureen have made it very clear all decisions will be made by us three family members only! I inviteded the grandchildren out to be with grandema and I 3 months after the stroke, to mom's delight. But all atemps since have failed, yesterday I called every grande kid for a picinic with mom at a near by park no one came, a couple called to say they could'nt make it. Mom signed over control of persuit for VA benefits after Stephanie's atempt resulted in a accepted claim for Aid and Atendace but with a $67.00 a month benefit because she refused to let me explain the formula. The recalculation I obtained from the VFW should get her more like $1300.00 a month securing her desire to stay in her home. However, her credit card just hit max, I was diognosted with and had surgery for stage 3 colon cancer in 4/24/13 and have been getting some help from foundations,but the girls refuse to give mom there verbal agreement of funds. As my chemo continues I'm afraid my ability to keep up the fight for mom to stay in her house and me to beat cancer and the chance to see my kids from a x who refuses to honor our custody agreement (a whole story by itself), I feel abused with nowhere to turn for help. I've been in single and group therapy since 3 years before thinking of getting divorced so around 2000, but now I can't afford the gas to go. Just needed to vent, Thanks Frank.

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Oh dear one, I am so sorry to read this. I hope venting helps. I am so sorry you are having to go through so much. It is a horror story! Vent all you want. I have no advice for you. I myself would go back to church because it is where I find that Peace is Possible, but I will not advice you to do that. I would say that your mother is proud of raising a son that she is able to depend on in her old age and if she has Faith, she is thanking God for you every day. What a blessing you are to her! Thank you for caring for her, for trying to insure she is taken care of as long as she lives.
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I am so sorry, wish you healing and strength to get through this, God Bless!
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Or become a Buddhist???? Seriously, you need help with all the ins and outs of all this.....lawyer or accountant? Or both? There is probably a lot that can be done by someone who knows this stuff and can get the real facts about finances, etc. Good luck!!! And best wishes with the cancer.
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Wow bummer. Your sisters are a piece of work aren't they? If you weren't going thru chemo I'd say 'run for the hills!' but guess that's not practical right now at least. Your sisters are in deep with mom's money, don't expect ANY help from them. Could be that mom won't be able to stay in her house, I don't know. If the house is paid for, how about a reverse mortgage? My folks did that, and my dad is still living off it. I'd say have mom revoke the POA from leech sister and have you do it, if you wanted to that is. Sorry about the cancer. And as far as the Catholic Church is concerned, switch to a good Bible or Community church. That would really stick a fork in your family! Guess that's not practical either, but I'd still do it. ha
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