Its to much for we children to do. what should we do? we hate to put her in some home,thats her biggest fear when confused

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One reason many elderly people fear nursing homes so much is that they have only seem them in years passed. While there are still some very bad homes around, there are also many excellent ones.

If the nursing homes near you are good, it seems to me that this 24-hour care and the UTIs could be managed there. You can spend as much time with your mother as possible as well as be her advocate. Drop in at odd times since that gives you a pretty accurate idea of the care she's receiving. Don't expect one on one care or perfection from the staff but if they are kind and caring and they pay attention to your mother's needs, then she should do okay.

Yes, she'll be upset, but once settled in she may feel safe and relieved not to be in and out of the hospital so often. Every hospitalization can set back someone with dementia. A nursing home can take care of many of the issues right there so she can still be in her own room without all the hospital admissions. Adjustment will take time but I don't see that you have much choice.

Please let us know what you decide and how you are doing.
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Let's back up. Does the doctor discuss with you why she is getting UTIs so often?
Is she drinking enough water, taking prescribed meds as ordered?

Second, you say she has dementia. It is very hard for someone to stay alone beyond the very early stages, so now is an excellent time to make a long term plan. Can she afford in-house help, which would eventually need to be 24/7, unless you kids :-) can take regular shifts. Have you looked into continuing care facilities, which have many different care levels, from Assisted Living to Memory Care to Nursing Home.

Most of our elders think about "homes" as dark dreadful places that some of them were in the 70s. There are quite good ones now. Go look at several, and with mom's doctor's help, figure out what her care needs are now. One caveat, make sure that you find a situation in which the facility understands dementia patients. This can be key to you mom being able to make a smooth transition.
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