Mom, 77, was diagnosed 2 months ago with Lewy body dementia after slowly declining physically and cognitively over the last few years. She's had severe depression for more than 20 years and has been on antidepressants the entire time. She's had ECT therapy as well. She was living with my father, also 77, who still must work full time to support them - they took SS as early as they could and the payments are not enough to make ends meet. They live about 30 minutes from me. I started to help my dad with mom's appointments about 3 years ago - he was getting overwhelmed and asked for help. Over those three years it had progressed to the point where I was taking her to appts. 2-3 times a week and also having to go to the house numerous evenings to help take care of mom's physical needs. We had in-home care while dad was at work for the last 10 weeks before we moved her into a facility, but she never allowed them to assist her in any way. We basically paid them to watch TV and make sure mom didn't fall if she decided to come out of her bedroom. She would often lay in bed all day, soaked in her own urine, refusing to get up to be cleaned or to use the toilet. In the evening, she often wouldn't even let dad get her up - then I would get the call and have to drive over to convince her to get up so we could clean her and change the bedding. I also had to come over on the weekend to give her the one bath she would agree to each week. She would call me many times daily to complain about the "ladies" in her house, and to complain about how dad was treating her. She often expressed concern that dad was getting so angry with her that she thought he might kill her. One night she actually left the house in her pajamas, walked down the street until she bumped into a stranger, and asked them to call the police because she was afraid her husband was going to kill her. That was the first of 2 visits from the police, both of which resulted in an officer spending some time talking with mom to calm her down, and then telling us we should consider a different living arrangement for her. While all this was going on, I slowly watched my dad deteriorate physically and mentally from the stress of caring for mom. I finally hired a geriatric care management company to help me sort out the best plan of action. After the case worker spent a few weeks visiting with my mom, and meeting with me and my dad, they advised us that mom really needed to be moved to an AL facility, and most probably into MC. I discussed this with the entire family - Dad, mom's sister, my brother and my sister - and we all agreed it was the right decision. Mom had expressed some interest in moving out, especially on the days when she was fearful of dad, so I suggested we visit a few AL facilities near my house, which she agreed to. She liked one in particular, so I made the necessary arrangements (I'm her POA). She was assessed by the facility and they recommended placement in MC. When the day came to move her in, she decided she did not need to go and couldn't believe we were making her go. We told her it was for a 30 day trial (a lie), which seemed to take some of the fight out of her. We moved her in against her will, but without much incident. We love the facility and the people that are caring for her, we receive excellent feedback on her care and they respond quickly to any questions we may have. So all in all, it seems to have been the right choice. BUT - I've visited with her 3 times a week and, not surprisingly, all she does is complain about the staff, the food, the other residents, the activities (silly and stupid). I'm unable to divert the conversation to anything else. She wants to go home - she promises she'll be better and do what ever dad and I want her to. Or she wants to be moved out of the MC unit - she can't understand why she's there. I thought moving her into a facility would bring some relief, but I feel worse knowing she's lying in her bed feeling betrayed and abandoned all day, every day - while the rest of the family moves on with our lives. Should I continue to visit her? How have those of you that have placed loved ones in a facility dealt with the guilt that comes along with the placement? Did I do the right thing by moving her into the facility?