Mom and I have the same doctor. While at Mom's appt., I asked the dr. a question about my issue. Am I out of line? - AgingCare.com

Mom and I have the same doctor. While at Mom's appt., I asked the dr. a question about my issue. Am I out of line?

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For about 2 wks. I had been having trouble with my left ear to the point I was having trouble hearing and wasn't sure if it was wax buildup or an infection so unsure just how to treat it. I heard it was critical what you do as you could make things worse. While at my mom's drs. appt., I asked the dr. if she would just look at my ear to let me know the diagnosis so I could know what to do. She flat refused and said I would have to make an appt. (which could be another week). My temper flared and I left. I know the dr. was technically right and yet, isn't there room for just helping a patient with your expertise , especially since she IS my primary dr. I left with the feeling that caregivers are just not nearly as cared about as who they take care of and I think that triggered all kinds of stuff from the past. I did try and call the dr. to apologize for my behavior as I felt I was off with the anger, but she was gone for the day.
Was I really way out of line to even ask the dr. about my ear after she was finished taking care of my mom?
I think sometimes I see my mom so excellently taken care of by all and I just wanted to feel cared about as well............but was not.
cadams

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In my experience i would write then they have it on record. Send it recorded delivery so its no lost! this is what i had to do when mums doc wouldnt listen to me.
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I have a wheat and dairy allergy but a great doc who listens and educated himself about this and understands it exists as other docs refused to listen. anyway i stupidly told my brother as he has same problems and now his doc is my doc.

I was tempted to tell my doc about how useless he was with mum but then backed off as i know this is a no no!
I told my own doc how useless mums doc was and she said she couldnt comment as mum was his patient BUT i could see she was horrified. Sorry im confusing things my doc is married and i see her or her husband!
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Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate you all more than words can say. I have mulled over each comment. And, just for your information, I did call the dr. and apologize (which I immediately tried to do Friday, but missed her). This time I was able to reach the dr. and spoke to her personally. She was quick to say "apology accepted" and she scheduled an appt. for both mom and me. I can see more clearly that ....yes....my judgement was cloudy due to stress , not feeling cared about and just not feeling well for weeks (an ear problem can be horrendous) as well as bad advice from two people in the medical field to just "ask mom's dr.". I also realized that a dr mom had, who quit due to pregnancy, used to often be more like a family dr. when we went for mom's appt. She often gave me (unsolicited) backing, support, suggestions re caretaking, and would ask how I was doing and I was not even her patient....just my mom. I guess, at some level, I came to being used to this level of concern, compassion. She made the person feel important and more of a priority than a schedule. I think we have forgotten that. No wonder she was so loved by her patients and they still talk about her.
cadams
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I have a doctor friend who was stopped by a lady in aisle 7 at the grocery store....she actually pulled up her top and wanted him to tell her if a place was cancer or just a mole. At church, people are forever coming up and asking him medical questions. I know that has nothing to do with your situation.....but
most doctor's schedules for the day allow 15 minutes with their patient and 45 with a physical or new patient. They have to stay on schedule and keep moving or the whole day is running behind. They cannot fully give you attention if you are not on their schedule. They wouldn't have time to order labs or tests......and they don't want to be rushed when seeing you. So please don't feel bad toward your doctor...You do owe them an apology.
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I hope you will be seen by your doctor soon...EAR ACHES HURT...and can LAST forever if untreated and the ear is close to the brain...not exactly a good place for an infection...So make you an appointment...Doctors understand PAIN and the ear ache...and it can cause a grown man to be cranky and call for his mama..I KNOW....I had an ear ache for over 10 years...and I could tell you how I cured it....but yours might be different than mine...and what I did..may cause you problems...so before you have full blown infection and hearing loss...MAKE UP with your doctor....DOCTORS UNDERSTAND....a walk out is nothing for them to worry about when they face life and death situations daily.....BE SEEN by a doctor...get healed and feel better..once you do...feel healthy and well..you will see it was only the illness making you do things..you would never ever thinking of doing when you were well.....!!!! WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE!!!! DONE THAT or something kinda like it....IT IS OKAY to be angry....now..get well soon...
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Correction - I see that you already were a patient of that doctor; I missed that when I first read your post.

However, the patient file would have been pulled just for your mother, not you, so the doctor would still have had to refer to your file for a proper response to your inquiry.
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Why would you attribute the doctor's refusal as a specific reflection on your caregiving situation?

It has to do with professionalism, responsibilitym, liability and malpractice.

Without knowing anything about your medical history, diseases, conditions and/or medications, she might have given you an answer that might have been erroneous or ignored critical factors. She has a professional responsibility not to do that.

She actually did you a favor by declining to give an opinion. You may have taken her advice and not pursued an issue that required further evaluation.

I agree with the others; apologize, treat it as a lessons learned and move on, but make an appointment for yourself the next time you need medical advice.
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Imagine if a half dozen people did the same thing the same day.... the doctor would be really backlogged and the last few patients would have quite a wait to see his/her doctor or would need to reschedule.
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I know we have a different system in the UK, but I must admit that even though our visits aren't charged for I still wouldn't dream of asking my mother's doctor to examine me during the same appointment. It would be just rude. Sorry.

Having said that, I see why you would be irritated and frustrated by it - it isn't the money, it's the extra faffing about, the week's delay, the sheer jobsworth inflexibility of the attitude that gets to you. I don't blame you.

If you'd like to stay her patient, I'd drop the doctor a rueful note in a pretty card, apologising and explaining that you were stressed out because it really isn't easy for you to get to any appointment alone. It doesn't excuse our bad behaviour, of course, but any doctor who doesn't understand that caregivers are under extra stress just isn't paying attention.
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It was your mothers appointment! The doctor could have asked for your records and you could have had a paid for VISIT...you cannot expect a doctor to go against the entire policy of the office..when they do...LAW SUIT...a doctor needs your FULL RECORD to know your situation....and health...and allergies..and cannot even suggest what to do without them.....It was your moms appointment..not yours...if you want to be seen at the same date and time ....make your appointments accordingly...until then...I would sure send an apology...note, and card..! Then I would go back..and behave the next time! LOL we all get a lil upset...when our parents cause us so much stress...your doc will understand...better than you do yourself! .....so don't be hard on yourself..or your doctor...it is okay to get ANGRY....we all do it..HUGS TO YOU
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