Follow
Share

I believe is dementia with jealous delusions. My mother accuses my father of having affairs. He is 83, she is 81. None of her accusations are true, but she believes the created scenarios in her mind. How do I get help for her when she refuses to get help and believes if my father will get rid of his "girlfriends" all will be well. How can he get help when he is constantly bullied?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thank you all so very much! I will take all your advice in consideration, especially about calling her doctor. Blessings to you and your families!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is this unusual behavior for your mother? I ask because my 90-year-old mother does this too, which is ridiculous because my 90-year-old Dad doesn't leave the house except to go to the doctor. But my mother has ALWAYS been super jealous and insecure, and they used to fight about this all the time. If this is unusual behavior, she should be evaluated for dementia. If this is just business as usual for her, good luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mom has a medical problem.Do everything you can think of to get medical help. Lie to her if you have to. Do what it takes, for her sake as well as Dad's. Don't tell her she has to get help with her delusions -- she will certainly fight that. How about it is time for her to get a tetanus booster? Or that the clinic wants all their Medicare patients to have a checkup this year, to establish a baseline in case they need treatment in the future? (Dad would have to go, too, which wouldn't be a bad thing.)

You can't "make" Mom see her doctor, but maybe you can trick her into it.

Meanwhile, give her doctor a written list of your concerns. The infidelity delusion is primary, of course, but are there other behaviors of concern? Is her memory failing? Does she have other obsessions? Any changes to her depth perception? Her sense of smell? Is she repeating herself a lot? Unless she has given permission her doctor will not be able to talk to you about her case, but that doesn't mean he or she can't listen to your concerns.

I am generally in favor of going with the flow for dementia delusions and hallucinations. When my husband saw bats in our bedroom I didn't argue with him. But when he accused me of stealing his money I did not "admit" it. I was really afraid of breaking our trust bond. I honestly don't know how I would have handled the fairly common infidelity delusion. Probably along the lines of "I'm so sorry I've done anything to give you the impression I've been unfaithful. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll try to be more careful so I don't give false impressions. You are my soul mate and my one true love. I would never have an affair!" But mostly I would bring it up with his doctor.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

".....if my father gets rid of all of his girlfriends things will be well....."

Your mom refuses to go to the Dr. You can't force her to go. You know your dad isn't having affairs but you said your mom just wants him to admit it and get rid of these imaginary girlfriends so they can move on. Do you think your mom will really let it go if your dad admits to this? If so, have him admit to it. But you're taking a huge gamble as your mom may start to obsess about something else that is equally unpleasant.

It's a crazy solution but with dementia we have to think outside the box and get creative sometimes.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

That is the only way that i can think of, too. My father hated going to the doctor. Still does. The only time he goes is when the pain is so bad, he's forced to go. So, I know how difficult it is to try to get someone to see a doctor. I knew my dad had pneumonia. I called 911, APS (adult protective service), his medical insurance company (to see if I can have a doctor do home visits) - Not one of them was willing to do anything Without His Consent. I'm not saying that this would be the same result for your mom if you tried what I did. Just that it's very difficult to help them when they refuse to be helped.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Does she see her Dr regularly? Speak with him about this..
He will most likely refer her to a neurologist to determine if it's dementia..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter