Tomorrow is my Mom's 1st day at an adult care center. How do I get her there without a fight?

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How can I drop my mother off at a day care center on her 1st day? She doesn't want to go. She is very apprehensive about it if I mention it to her. She did have an unpleasant experience at a senior center before. She is scared of being not included. I'm afraid she won't get out of the car or fight with the attendants.

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I had asked if maybe she could have a visit to get used to the place. That is worth trying.

However, just to prepare you, I happened to bring my Mom back from her memory clinic and the director told me that some people love the place they visit (AL, NH, clinics, etc...), talking your ear off on the drive home about how they LOVED it....only to totally forget they were ever there.

I sometimes wonder if it's worth reminding my Mom about what she liked and didn't like, and sometimes she is really skeptical. So, it's all worth trying, just prepare yourself, I guess.
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Yes, my mom said it was full of old people too and she would not interact with anyone when she was at rehab after she broke her hip. That was not like her ever, but she never could talk about the possibility of even having dementia so we have always had to dance around that issue. Even now, with her in hospice, we still choose our words.
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Well, go with her. You can see her in, make her comfortable, let the center know about her apprehension, and after a short while, you can leave. Fears about something that hasn't happened are usually blown up in the mind, and then when the person lives the reality, the fear of that something will dissolve. Keep trying to get her to go. If one time doesn't succeed, try again.
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Took my mom months to be willing to go and lots of me cajoling and talking each time. Now, she goes pretty well and has made friends. If some of the more alert ones feel like they are connecting with others there and making friends they are more likely to want to go. Others who have to go, look down on the "old people" many of whom sit silently and don't really talk or connect like the newcomer expects. A LOT OF IT is up to the center itself to provide the incentive, entertainment, etc. to make them want to come. My mom's adult day centers have kids come in for reading help. My mom LOVES to do that. Some centers are just boring, I think and don't try that hard to provide differentiated, supervised activities that don't insult the intelligence of the alert ones, but yet please the dementia patients. Also ask about the food. My mom doesn't want to go where she thinks food is not good. That does happen. Food and good entertainment are big draws.
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And do not remind them of going the next day. It will only cause anxiety and a difficult night. My mom would forget if I reminded her anyway. So I save myself the additional stress and deal with it when we are ready to go.

I have also told her on many occasions, when we get there for the drop off, and she tells me she does not want to go in there, that her doctor says she has to go to keep her brain stimulated. I have also reminded her that she has always enjoyed doing different things, and meeting new people. That too, seems to reassure her.
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My mom was really mad about going, too - they started her out with just 1 day a week, and every Monday night, she and I had a fight about her having to go the next day (Tuesdays was the 1 day). After a few weeks of that, I decided not to remind her about it the night before - I decided to just call in the morning and say "Get your jacket on, we need to leave at 9:15" and not indulge a lot of complaining. "Gotta go, mom. I'll be down to pick you up in a few minutes..." and then I'd hang up. After she was going once a week for several months, her condition had gotten worse, and she was starting to show signs that she might wander off when I was at work during the day, so the daycare center said she needed to be there 5 days a week, to keep her safe. They also said their driver would come get her (they have 3 buses/vans), so that I didn't have to rearrange my work schedule. To break it to mom that she'd be there daily, I just told my mom that her doctor said she needed to be there every day for social interaction and to get exercise, etc..., and that I had no control over it. She had to go. That's it. I stated it the way I'd tell a kid that they had to do their homework whether they liked it or not. The driver came the next morning, and she went with him - only grumbling to me when she got home. That was a year ago, and she likes it - in fact, she made such a good friend there that when that woman recently got sick and now can't come to the center, my mom's been depressed and the center is trying to make sure she connects with someone new.

I would make sure the daycare people know what your mom's fears are and ask that they pay special attention to not letting her end up alone - they probably have trainees or interns who could be assigned to sit with your mom and talk to her and encourage her to talk to other people. Once she's got a few people she feels comfortable with, the intern can back off and let the socializing happen naturally.
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We started adult day care just over two years ago. It is still a challenge nearly daily. I used to tell her we were going there, she would go back to bed, say she doesn't need help, she just didn't want to go. I finally wised up and told those little white lies that we need to do sometimes. I now tell her we are meeting with the nurse, there is one on staff. When she asks why the nurse. I tell her we need to talk about her activities, medications, etc. Then the story gradually changes after we are in the car. That is when I tell her we are going to a day program she has been participating in for a couple of years. She has been going M-F for a year and a half now. Still never remembers being there, but she does recognize the building when we pull up to drop her off. Stick with it, it is extremely stressful, but it will get easier. Believe me, I think it is harder on us, than it is on them.

I have even explained to her sometimes that I need to get some errands done that will take 2-3 times as long if she goes with me, which she always does. On occasion I will tell her I need a bit of a break and she has wonderful friends there. Mom really does enjoy the program and is usually happy when I pick her up. But, naturally, there are those days when she is upset and those are when she has been looking for her little girls, now all in their 50's. There was even one time when I picked her up she did not want to come with me because she was sure that my sisters had also "checked in" there. UFFDA!
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I've been trying to introduce Ctr to my Mom and I get the same response "old people"... It's snowy and cold here but come Spring I'm going to be more insistent about it...
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I'm facing the same thing and I had thought about just letting her stay for a few hours at first - like a trial visit.
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I wish I could have had a "fight" with my mom. SHe totally denied she had alz, altho she knew on some level that she was no longer normal. When we told her gently she had to go (I had cared for her for 2 yrs-but it became impossible for me to do it) It was horrible....heart crushing.. I felt like I was giving away my child. SHe thought that I was abandoning her. I cried so hard for days that my eyes were swollen shut. My 2 sisters from out of state had come to lend a hand. We took turns staying with her. I think even overnight for the first 24 hrs. Then I traveled every day for an hour's trip for 2 yrs. That was not in her best interest . It delayed her adjustment. SHe would cry and beg for me not to leave her. I cannot continue this ...am too upset
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