My 75-year-old mother lives with us and is convinced that we are trying to kill her and steal her stuff. The doctor said this is normal in the aging process. Is this normal? - AgingCare.com

My 75-year-old mother lives with us and is convinced that we are trying to kill her and steal her stuff. The doctor said this is normal in the aging process. Is this normal?

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Look up Frontal Lobe Dementia on google. Think there are also some short programs on YouTube, showing behavior. This is a dementia, but is noted for severe behavior problems (even like suddenly having a shoplifter, foul mouth swearing, anger outbursts). Think its also called frontal vascular dementia.
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This was one of the first warning signs that my mom's boyfriend had dementia. He would accuse others of stealing his things, actually he had misplaced them and were found later. He even went as far as calling the Sheriff about it. The other warning sign was being verbally abuse with mom and his family, a definite change in his behavior toward my mom and his family. There are medications that can control some of this behavior and keep it from progressing further, take her to the doctor (gerontologist) and have her evaluated.
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No, your Mom's paranoia is not normal, though it happens on occasion. It is a symptom of a problem. I agree with the advice you have been given by others. A gerontologist, or medical social worker can point you in the right direction to get help for your Mom, even if the symptom doesn't entirely disappear. It should be manageable from a medical standpoint by a doctor who understands aging and diseases of the brain, etc. Hope your Mom gets some relief from her anxiety, and you too.
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Monitoring sound and video. if you don't have a camera, you could see if your MP3 player has an audio record function. Buy a few cheap ones and keep handy around the house.

When I reported my two sisters' various financial misdeeds to a social worker at Mom's day center, little did I know that the law would swoop in and take over Mom's affairs (including as mentioned freezing her checking and cc accounts...we had NO money for awhile!!! Nothing!), but they didn't even sit down the two perpetrators and say "naughty naughty, girls." They got off scott free, one didn't even have to pay back the thousands she stole/forged/charged. I got left holding the entire bag, the sisters were furious that I snitched on them, etc.

Believe it or not, I hadn't even heard the term "financial elder abuse," nor knew the sorts of things it entailed (ie, using Mom's credit card, lying about collateral for loan, not paying back loan at all, etc.) I would not have let these things happen and would have fought with them out of the reach of the law. It's brought us nothing but tragedy and extreme expense from having the county take over mom's affairs. And it has put me in a slavery position where they deemed me 24/7 caregiver. ANd they mean it. I can't even call a friend to sit with Mom for a half hour while I run to the drug store. (Only they can hire a respite sitter, which they now refuse to do. But they ok'd Mom to go to daycare.)

Did I veer off track? Well, if you don't handle this madwoman's rantings, you could end up there, totally losing control and being enslaved to "the state," who intervenes just enough to stop major trouble, but not enough to be genuinely helpful.

Just like so many parents lose custody of their children from a single domestic disturbance (even false accusations), you could lose custody of your own parent. Also, you should be aware if you can really "control" and manage this situation. Sounds like you are running a private mental ward.
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Mom has dementia and constantly accuses me of moving her furniture and possessions. She remembers living in the upstairs apartment and thinks I moved all of her stuff downstairs while she was gone. She's living back 43 years ago in her mind. You definitely need to get another opinion about your mom. Sounds like dementia setting in. Good luck!
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In the hr or so since I posted, I called my friend with the
"she's trying to kill me". OMG, she told me that is was not
just a pain but much, much worse. They just didn't want to
tell their friends when it all this happened.

ALzCaregiver - you are so on target!!! State protective services did a full investigation on them. Apparently, the
SS check was deposited in their account. It was "commingled"
so while the investigation was going on, this account was frozen. Their salary was direct deposit into the same account too. NO MONEY!! They had to go into their 401K to pay for day to day expenses. Total nightmare.

What they were told to do (this was a few years ago) was to
every day place a tape recorder in the room to document
ramblings, especially good as you are NOT in the room with him (and could influence it). So yes on the videography.

Also have seperate accounts and checks for everything.
Debit card all parents expenses, so you have a constant record, also by debit card there's no interest. As you will
never be able to "make" a profit by being reinbursed for the interest charges on a credit card. Real receipts with date
and business name - if not done this way take a business
card and staple the card to the reciept for documentation.

And get this, her ex-husband was contacted. The social worker kinda implied that he could ask for full custody of
the kids while the adult case was being reviewed. Now
they get along and all is well post-divorce for them, so that
didn't happen. But can you imagine if that wasn't the case.
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As is often suggested in other posts, keep some sort of camera on you at all times. Most cameras these days shoot video, so when she starts her rant, start videoing before you get near her, and pointing the camera in her general direction, set the camera on some surface. This will be very handy to show the doctors, nurses, ambulance drivers...and perhaps the police.

If she wanders off, or bolts off in a panic, she'll be questioned by the police, by the ER staff, etc. And you know what she's going to say. MURDER ME! These films will be invaluable to cut through the BS to get her settled and you out of trouble. Keep a camera transfer cable in your car or your computer case...keep some film samples on a thumbdrive, your laptop harddrive, and even on the camera itself. Load "movies" a private YOUTUBE channel, accessible only by password. That way you can phone in the channel and PW to the person who contacts you by phone.

Be prepared, you don't want investigation by the Dept of Adult Services, which would lead to the county suing for conservatorship of your mother.
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I would strongly encourage you to take your Mother to someone who specializes in geriatrics. This is not a normal part of aging. She sounds paranoid and perhaps somewhat delusional. Is she on any medication?
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I worked with someone much younger than me that was dx with Alz. so there is no right age for it my MIL had mental problems in her 50's but as above she needs to be worked up because some nosy person is going to come along and report what she says as the truth I was reported by a home care nurse because I took care of my husband at home and he was beeing seen by at least 100 docs in the 16 yrs. of being disable and had never been told he needed a nursing home and APS got involved and it was no fun. Being perinoid is a clastic sym. of mental illness.
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Hi Shannon~It sounds to me as though you Mom is paranoid for some reason, as this type of behavior that has been exhibited does not seem like normal aging. Can you contact someone in the medical profession about this--sooner than later, as there may be an underlying reason for all of this? If this is a dementia or alzheimer's then that possibly could be a reason.

Hang tight in the meantime~

Hap
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