I've been a caregiver for almost 3 yrs to a mother I never had a relationship with. I find myself wanting to "give back to her" what she dealt out to me as a child. The things she does now she never tolerated w/me. I'm always aware (but I must say not as bad as before) of each & everything she does not to let her get away with it. She's my reason for growing up w/such an insecure attitude about myself. Always commenting on who's fat, who's pretty, who's got a beard. I just want to say "shut-up"..I told her I wouldn't tolerate her criticizing me anymore & when anything comes up I sit down & let her know I will not allow her to do that to me anymore. You would think at 72 I'd get it; but, for the last 44 yrs (since I left her Religion) she ostracized me from her & my family. Now that she's needing me I have no choice (because of finances) to take her in. If I didn't need her income I'd be looking to put her in a facility. It's a catch 22 situation. She helps w/the bills & I am very grateful for that. I've become thin-skinned in regards to her hypocrasy - one way to me another way to her family/friends. They have no idea what she's really like, I do. The only other one would be her twin sister. She understands & knows.
I'm hardly ever out, can't really afford to have someone come in. I've checked w/Elder Care & they say she's just a little over the guidelines for income so I stay her 24/7 in a 3 room apt w/a woman that hardly talks to me all day. I'm in my room & she's in front of the tv w/her routine. I feel that since she's paying 95% of the bills she's entitled to the amenities. Don't know how to process that one. Each night I'm praying Lord forgive me, I know You want me to love her; but, I don't even like her. Help me. I bend over backwards to make sure she has the right food program the Dr wants her on. I make sure she's got her foods before mine. She's fussy, warm my bread for my sandwiches, put my cereal in a plastic bowl the others are cold, my water is too cold, the bed is too hot, the bed is cold, warm my juice, the food is not hot enough......on and on and on. This is a woman that I couldn't even talk to about anything otherwise she would raise her hand & say she didn't want to hear it. Growing up w/out a dad, living w/a strict disciplinarian (only because she wanted to look good in front of people), no relationship, left to myself...has taken a toll on me. Granted, by God's Grace I've come a long way (doesn't sound it from this, I'm sure, but I have). I suppose I'm just putting down in writing what's going on in my head. Thank God I do have children that I can talk with & they have great understanding & sympathy. If they could they would be here to give me a break but it's not possible right now. I'm very sure there are Caregivers out there that are saying, Gosh, I wish my situation was as easy as hers. My situation is a compiling of 72 years of a lack of relationship w/a mean & unyielding woman.
If anyone has any advice I would certainly welcome it..