Mom won't wear panties or incontinence products although she needs them. Advice?

Have to add there's one thing I hate about the pads. When my mother does her laundry she forgets to take the pads off. They break down and the cotton gets all in the dryer. I worry about a dryer fire. Today I talked to her about it, so maybe she'll start paying more attention. With dementia it's hard to know.

I feel your pain. My mother is an old country woman who has never favored underwear of any type. When she is home she is always bra-less and panty-less. It would drive me crazy, but she can't stand underwear. She won't wear protective undergarments, of course. She stays in her pajamas all day when she's at home and has frequent accidents. I've suggested and bought things, hoping she would wear them. No luck. I did finally get her to use pads on her underpants when we go out. That was a major accomplishment.

Trying to change my mother from the way she has lived all her life is like trying to turn the tide. I've had to adapt my way of thinking to consider that her pajamas are her diapers. Gross, I know, but what do I do? She won't change, so I have to be the one to change.

I hope you have more luck than I did. We do what we can do, then get out the mops.

Depending on her needs heavy or light they are many products available . New panty style ones just came out if she is not heavy in the leakage dept or pads. If she is heavily incontinent she will need max briefs or pull ups. Talk with her about why she is resistant...will they show through her clothing?-I purchased new pants a size larger so they wouldn't show through, let her know she is ruining her nice clothes and they also help with odor control....no one wants to hear that but if it is an issue she needs to be told- as well as infection issues.Maybe have her discuss this with her doctor.
Also hand held showers are great for quick clean ups down there without a complete shower every time she leaks and many great cleansing products she can use in between I keep right next to the toilet. Is she at home or a facility? She made need help with cleaning/bathing more than she can do alone now.Is it easy for her- shower chair or roll in? Make it a spa day, every day her favorite soaps, lotions, creams etc... tell her how beautiful she smells after each shower.Best of luck!

I think I might have her evaluated to see if Independent living is right for her at this point. It sounds like she may be in need of constant supervision to care for her hygiene. If she's not able to comprehend her needs and how to address them, then I would think she needs to have it done for her in a different setting. How is she with attending to her other needs?

That's a common question and the problem can be very frustrating. Go to the upper right corner of this page where you will see "Search Site".... now type in "won't wear depends" and click on the magnifying glass. You will see articles and previous questions on this subject. Hopefully something will work for you.