I'm her 67 y o daughter. nothing further. I need help

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If she is asking if she smells, I would go with that. "Mom, I love you and I don't want you to be embarrassed because you smell like urine. It is really strong and covering it up doesn't work anymore. We need a real, full blown shower. What can we do? No slip mat in the shower and right outside, shower chair, covered with a no slip and a hand towel for comfort, hand held shower hose, warming the bathroom, me washing your back, hair, feet, if we implemented all or any of these can we get this taken care of?"

Does she wear any incontinent panties? If not, I would be getting her into those so she is not piddling all over everything and it creates a need for help, so you can do what's needed to keep her clean. A nice warm washcloth or 2 or 3 to help keep her clean and dry so she doesn't get sores from the waste destroying her skin.

You are the one that can help her understand how terrible she smells and how to fix it.

I feel for you, I was the one that had to tell my dad and it was awful, but not nearly as awful as the stink. Sometimes tough love is required.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

CBD oil or ativan low dose for anxiety, wait till that kicks in, and negotiate - a limb at a time, if nec. If she’s not comfortable with regular bathing, a bed bath will do. If she wont let the aid do it, you will do. If she doesnt want to be naked, uncovering bits at a time for cleaning will do.

I think fear plays a major role in these issues - fear of falling again and fear over the lack of control she has over the situation. Get her relaxed and feeling safe, then explain to her that you need to get her clean to still be allowed to care for her, to protect her health.

We’ve had the same problem with my dad x 3 months now. Dementia. On Amazon, there is this product called “scrubzz” - it’s a packet of 25 disposable thick wash pads with no-rinse cleanser on them ($7.99) Just use warm water & lather up. Pat down. Done.
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Reply to Slekker

Agree with trying to find out why which could help you figure out how to resolve the issue. Is it the strangers trying to help her that makes her balk? Will she allow sponge baths?
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Reply to againx100
disney Jun 6, 2019
will not allow anyone to help her. she can do it by herself. Problem she blinded only allowing herself to use bath powder everytime she thinks she ha peeded. she pees thru everything . i had glade everywhere. she says do i smell andsometimes i say yes. but now i just say it might be nice for a different smell. im so sick about it because she is my mom but it is just so hard.
My mother doesn't like to bathe either. I bought her a privacy bathing garment from a company called "Dignity Resource Council" and the garment is called a "Honor Guard". Google it online and watch the video. Note: This company also offers a privacy bathing garment for men as well.

My mom still prefers to sponge bathe herself but she will agree to shower with this bathing garment on because everything is appropriately covered at all times. I ordered up one size. For sizing comparison, my mom is 5'8", 150 lbs. and wears the women's size Large. If your mother's concern is privacy, this garment might be a big help. Take care. :)
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Reply to WeAreSaints

I appreciate that you don’t want to bare your soul here, but maybe a few more details? Does Mom have dementia? People with dementia can often have irrational and sometimes baseless fears. Also, has she ever fallen in the bathroom, or even slipped and gotten scared? When they try to bathe her, do they treat her kindly—reassure her and make it a pleasant experience? Or is it “hurry up! We’ve only got an hour!” People have suggested making the bathroom into a “spa”— towels right out of the dryer, candles, nice lotions and soaps, etc.

Can you try to ask Mom why she doesn’t want to bathe? Promise her lunch out if she bathes, or a trip to the park in the nice weather. Bribery works wonders sometimes!
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Reply to Ahmijoy
disney Jun 5, 2019
She fell and broke her femur in 2013. scared, yes and that i understand. but nothing helps. she has frontal lobe dementia. profanity but not to anyone else except me. urinates all time. depends. home health cannot make her bathe. have a hand held attachment that hooks onto sink. have a hand rail and a chair. makes me very sad. going to caregviger meetings help.
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