How can I help my Mom she won't see a doctor, constantly loses her checks, bills, things, and accuses me of taking her stuff. Advice?

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I don't have a POA. She is 83 and seems to be ok, other than losing things constantly. She makes good sense when having conversations, although sometimes she asks the same questions two or three times. I took her check book with me so I wouldn't have to continue looking for them, but she goes to the bank and picks up counter checks and this has been going on for the past three months. She said if I take her bill paying responsibility from her she may as well be dead. Since I took her checkbook last month she told me I didn't handle her business like I said I would... I'm just ruining her credit, however, she said last month that she would just make double payments the next month since she could no longer find the bills. She continually tries to sabotage everything that I do to try to keep her finances in order. I actually had to look at her bank statements to see who she normally pays, look through some old bills to find account numbers and call the creditors to find out the amounts owed. One health insurance agency said I had to have my mom's permission for them to disclose any info to me so I asked her to speak to the person and she told the person do not disclose anything to me. I let that go, but I did write out the creditors names for some of her bills that did not need her permission, I put in the amounts, date, the account numbers, created invoices since she could not locate her bills and all she needed to do was write the amounts out on the check, and sign..but she refused to do it. She told me if I had managed to do all of that, write in the amounts and sign them myself (I am not on her checking account). Since she was insistent upon being mean, I just threw all of her old bills, bank statements, counter checks and her checkbook on the table and told her that I was tired of fighting with her and that I would not allow her to drive me crazy and that it would be a long time before she seen me again and I left. I love my mother, but I refuse to let her take me through this crazy making pattern and insult me constantly in the interim while I am trying to assist her. Some of her utilities will probably be cut off within the next 30 days, and she has the money to pay the bills, she is has difficulty keeping up with everything. I'm just at a loss as to what to do.

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Has your mom been diagnosed with Alzheimers/dementia like you have in your profile, or is that your own belief? If she has been diagnosed, you need to have her doctor back you up in your desire to help her. It sounds like she's past the point of reason though. I hate to see her get her utilities shut off because she's got dementia and can no longer reason effectively.

You might have to go for guardianship at some point, if she continues to be so oppositional - which she can't help, if she does have dementia. Her brain is broken and paranoia is a common thing with people with dementia. Is there anyone else who she will listen to? Sibling or other child or friend? If so, maybe get them to help .
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