What to do when elderly Mom who lives with me won't let me out of her sight? - AgingCare.com

What to do when elderly Mom who lives with me won't let me out of her sight?

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Mother has lived with me for the last 7 months, after my father died 7 months ago, she could not be alone, she is 86, and fell cracked her pelvis, so I moved her in with me. It has been a challenge to say the least. If I go upstairs she calls me, if I am in the restroom she calls my name, I don't leave home very often and she wants to go with me everywhere. I bought LifeAlert so I could leave the home for short period of time.. get hair done, grocery shopping ect. If I go somewhere its only for a hour or two and not very often, maybe once month. She gets so whinny, mad that I leave or not with her. I get her ready for bed and she won't sleep in a bed, only her lift chair. this is around 8:30pm. I go upstairs and read. She get so mad when I am not right with her.. she said "*I am moving out, and that I am so mean, no one can live with You" *(the guilt trip) I get her dressed, make her breakfast, get her meds, all Dr Appt, give her baths, pay her bills, ... etc... I sit with her for a hour or so.. then I go get ready for the day... I go upstairs and ck email etc... Then she starts again.. "Can you come down here and help me move my stuff? I am moving out... " I don't know if I can take this anymore.. I quit my job, gave up my online classes and don't go anywhere... I am 52 not married and adult children moved out of state, so I don't know what I can do? There is so much craziness in my home... Does anyone deal with this? and if so, how much of my life do I give up????

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I would call your mom's doctor/or a trusted friend and ask for a referral of a home health agency. At 86, your mom has Medicare and would qualify for home health. The home health nurse can assess her and possibly qualify her for a companion or certified nurses aide. Or, if you would rather privately pay, you can seek the help of a private agency. Private agencies can provide companions or certified nurses aides, who are trained to assist the elderly in daily living activities (bathing, changing clothes). Your mom will be resistant, but this will give her someone to watch over her while you can run your much needed errands, or have some time to be alone and provide for yourself. Above all, pray for your mom and yourself! Ask the Lord to give you wisdom in this area- because He will. He has blessed me and given me wisdom and placed well qualified people in my path. This journey is long, but it is very much in His will that you help your mom. Blessings to you!!
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Thank you, after the post before this one, I was starting to feeling like I was not keeping my mother safe and supported.. I am here almost 24/7 for her, some days I don't even get a shower, but she is always clean and cared for and safe and supported.. my health is starting to slip.. (not going for walks or watching what I eat) gaining weight.. yikes.. but I guess I don't mind.. I love my mother good bad or otherwise .. but you are right I do need a break, my daughters are concerned about me... I will look into a trained companion, but I have mentioned this to mom, she is a stubborn women and she don't like anyone new (strangers might take my stuff, I don't want those ppl around here) this is her words... I will try and see what I can do.. thank you so much for your reply
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This is so hard. Not sure about you but because my mother has been so wonderful to me I could not just store her in assisted living where the staff is usually less than attentive. I will say however that if you continue at this pace you will only do harm to yourself. You must maintain some normalcy in your life. Please consider day care at least a few days a wk. She will eventually get use to it and may even make new friends. Keep her as active as possible. Another option is to have a trained companion come over at least a few days a week, even if you are in the house. You must preserve some of yourself.
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near the end of my mothers life she required constant companionship. i figure she was lost in a fog bank and needed direction. i didnt mind and got used to it. id nap when she napped around the clock so id be available to keep her safe and comforted.
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You don't say if she has a diagnosis of dementia or an emotional issue such as extreme anxiety and or depression. Has she been evaluated for either?
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If she needs constant care find an assisted living place or a nursing home. If she is coherent and acts like she doesn't want to be alone for a minute, she is being extremely rude to you (abusive?). If she has cognitive deficits and doesn't understand time and absence, then her care is more than you can handle and she needs NH or AL. Don't give up your life - you aren't put here to do what institutions pay 3 to 4 people to do.
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Move her out. Take her to tour Assisted Living places and let her pick the one she likes. If she is bluffing, you will know very quickly. If she is not and she would be happier with folks her own age, so be it.
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