Mom won't get dressed. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Mom won't get dressed. Any advice?

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My Mom thinks its acceptable to go everywhere dressed in nightgown. She fell last week and hurt her arm. lucky no cast no surgery she's 74 and a narcissist . Well she plans to wear her nightgowns for the next 4 to 6 weeks. She went to the drs office the drugs store etc in her nightgown and flip flops. This is un acceptable to me. she lives with me my son and my husband and they are VERY uncomfortable with this situation. she can change her jammies and underwear on make her coffee wash her dishes etc......everything but put some real clothes on ??? my mom LOVES SYMPOTHY and I KNOW that's what this is about but it has the OPPOSITE effect I don't have sympathy for her its just making me mad, because I never heard of anyone with a HURT arm staying in their jammies for a month and a half. Its making my husband even madder than me, He KNOWS she's doing it for attention and he's very uncomfortable in his own home. I told her this is un acceptable but she said she doesn't care. What else can I do to get her to put some clothes on ?????

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She may need some dress type clothing such as mou-mou's; 'dresses' may be more comfortable for her. I agree with you it's not really appropriate to be wearing a night gown to town. I like the 'dusters' that snap up the front and see a lot of ladies wearing them, they are especially good to wear at home. What does she say when asked why she dresses that way? Is it because she has difficulty in dressing? If so offer to assist her. Good luck.
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how about comfy jammy pants or yoga pants. Lots of kids walk around outside and go to school in those types of pants. Heck, I would too if I was allowed to at work lol Maybe also get her those slip on sketcher type shoes that are very comfortable and easy to put on but give support.

Don't treat her like a kid. The my house/my rules is ridiculous for an adult. How would you like that if someone said that to you in a house you were living in? Let her be comfortable but just comfortable in public type clothes. I live in yoga pants after work :) My daughter hates it. Too bad lol
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If she really is a narcissist then you need to appeal to her self image. Tell her that someone you know, who wants to remain anonymous, was commenting on how stylish she used to be and was shocked to see her looking so trashy. I would just not take her any place looking like this. I have made my mother change when her clothing did not match ( and my mother always prided herself on being a fashion plate) Good luck.
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So it's only been a week since she fell and hurt her arm. She's probably pretty sore and it does take elderly people longer to recover.

Long before the 6 weeks is up, she may be feeling much better and the nightgown issue won't even be an issue. Is she doing any physical therapy or exercises for her arm? Was it broken? Is it in a bandage or a sling? A couple of years ago I fell and broke my wrist. They did put a metal thing with screws in it and finally a cast. I did do PT and yet the darn thing STILL hurts at times. I have less ROM (range of motion) than before and it's still swollen larger than before. Dr. Doogie Houser (a joke you youngun's may not get) says there is NO reason for it to still hurt and there's nothing he can do. The pain is in my head. Well, no, it's in my wrist, thank you very much. I think I know how it feels. It itches, it aches. I quit mentioning it to anyone because no one cares but me.

Long story to say that no one but your mother knows how she feels. She may even be a little depressed over this incident and others in her life. There have been many changes in her life in the past years that she may be having trouble dealing with. If she feels no one cares, maybe seeing a therapist for some talk therapy will help. The therapist won't be her friend, but he/she will at least be someone to talk to.

Let her wear her nightgown, tell her to put a muumuu over it, though. If she just wears it when she goes out, she won't need but one and it will stay clean. Your husband and son need to tell her individually, not as a group, that it is embarrassing to them to see her in a nightie. That they like it better when she's dressed and able to be around them. She may put more weight in their opinion because they are not YOU, her daughter. If you go someplace, like out to eat, and she wants to go too, tell her if she'll get dressed she can go, otherwise she'll have to stay home. Go someplace nice occasionally without her and she'll learn to put some clothes on and comb her hair. But for a few weeks you may have to help her with some ROM exercises and help her to heal.

Good luck with this. You need to let go of lot of anger before it makes you sick. You cannot change the past. She cannot change the past. No sense in anyone wallering in it.
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I don't think this is unusual. You stated that she hurt her arm last week. You might just have to be patient with her until her condition improves. It may be quite painful at times this early on. I am an RN and have seen many elderly patients with fractures. It can be quite painful for them.
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Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I'll pray for her and me at this point that's all I have. My Mother has been un balanced my whole life . She was a HEAVY drinker for my whole life, up until a health scare last year and she quit cold turkey. To some people this may seem petty. She told me yesterday after I told her 3 times to get dressed ( she changed her jammies and showed me how much movment she has in her arm ?? ) that she feels like no one cares ( because her phone isn't ringing off the hook and I REFUSE to do everything for her because I KNOW shes capable ) and that she feels like a prisoner in prison ( to which I say your free to leave any dam time you want ).This is purely so she can say I cant get dressed because I hurt my arm ( wanna see ) and no one will help me. PURE ATTENTION SEEKING. Shes been nothing but DRAMA since she moved with us and just when we think our situation cant get any crazier something new happens and it does get crazier. I am planning on telling her when she wants me to take her somewhere that they will lock you up in a mental hospital if they see you wandering the streets in your jammies or if you want to stay in your jammies we will move you to a NH and you can wear them the rest of your life if you choose but that my home is NOT a NH. Im sure I have a couple more battles ahead of me THANK YOU ALL for your suggestions as I have NO help in this. friends gone, family gone only me and my poor husband dealing with this every day. I just thank god I had enough guts to tell her months ago her living with us isn't working out and that we got her on that waiting list for an apartment because knowing there might be an end to this nightmare of mine in the next couple of months is the only thing keeping me from not totally cracking up
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That said, even narcissicists need love and attention, not "punishment". A little natural consequences are okay, just be kind.
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Give her the attention she deserves. Send all her pj's out to the laundry. Get her something else to wear, lay it out, dont be home when she gets out of the shower.
Escalate, if she is wandering the parking lot of the store in jammies and cannot find your car, maybe someone will call 911 for a welfare check up on her. Or, to save fire/ambulance from coming out, call 911(police) to find your mother who may be lost after you come back in about an hour, she may get mad enough to stop this behavior. OR, she can get the professional mental assessment she needs. Be brave, do this only as a last resort because something might really be wrong with her and it comes out only expressed as attention seeking.
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Muumuu, patio dresses and those Mexican embroidered shifts are all very comfortable and suitable for outdoor wear.
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Oh, I might add NO ONE should wear flip flops. They are dangerous and horrible for feet and posture.
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