My mom wants to sit next while I'm driving, but she won’t bathe and smells like urine. How tell her she can’t sit next to me until she bathes?

KITTY:

When faced with this kind of brattish behavior, don't negotiate. Either she makes a habit of freshening up before stepping out the door or she doesn't go anywhere. And when you take her out, her place is in the back seat. Period. If she doesn't like it, tell her to get used to it.

The reason she keeps acting up is because there are no real consequences and/or the boundaries aren't enforced consistently.

Sounds like you have two different problems. If I'm understanding you, your mother wants to ride shotgun and have either you or your husband ride in the back seat? Tell her that when your dad was around, you never expected to ride up front, that was his place. So the same is with your husband now. His place is in the front seat with you, just like when she and your dad were up front in their car. As for the pee, does she wear adult diapers? If not, then maybe it's time to invest in them.

I agree, we need more information. If she hasn't got any dementia./alz then you ought to be able to tell her she can't go anywhere until she doesn't stink. If she does have mental issues, then that's a whole different horse race.

kittycat37, It sounds as though she has dementia, my Mother in law has 'accidents' in her clothes and she says she doesn't know how her clothes got that way she must have sit on/in something because she didn't do it. I bought depends and hid all her underpants. She likes to go with me also but, she refuses to take a bath saying she just had one. I just tell her that she smells bad and I can't take her with me until she gets a bath. If she lets me help her get one, I'll take her with me and/or take her to get her hair done. If she refuses a bath and I need to go to the store I tell her I'll be back and leave without her. It doesn't change the fact that I can't get her to get a bath very often but I won't take her anywhere unless she does.

My 84 year old mother always resisted taking showers once she started using a walker. Maybe out of fear of falling. She started to have body odor and was not aware of it. ( As people age they cannot smell things like they used to.) Offer to help your mother shower or wash up regularly. My mother also complained she didn't want to get wet and cold. Keep the room warm and work quickly. Get a shower chair-one you can reach all places.
We also spoke with her doctor about an anti depressant. Hygiene is a big red flag with elderly depression. 30 mg of Cymbalta and my mother is a new person. It even helps some with her aches and pains.

I need your advise: my landlord is old lady and she seems have a problem with urinary incontinence on a daily basis; her clothes, house smells very bad. She is nice person and has no kids and I'm sorry for her. I want to help her but don't know how to tell that she smells.

i agree, tell her if she want to come along.. she bathes. end of discussion. Dad always askes 'why do I need a bath?'.. we tell him we all take one and he doesnt want to be a "smelly old man" It's worked so far.. a shower every other day! And tell her she sits in the back because it safer, or easier to get in and out.

My husband needed them for poop but refused to wear them. When he was sent to the nursing home for rehab they put him into Depends. So I immediately threw out all his stained underwear and got Depends for him to wear. And a Baby Diaper Genie. It is wonderful for containing smell. He never said word when I brought him home. He just put them on and things were much better. BUT ……he will wear the same pair for a week if I don't make him change. I have to stand there and watch to make sure he takes off the old one, which I promptly put in the diaper genie. I have to watch that he gets the Depends on correctly. He is liable to have both legs in one hole or have them on backwards. Then he puts on his pants. This morning he had on two pairs of trousers. I had to make him take off a pair. He gets his arm stuck in the head hole of the tee shirt. Oh the reason he had poop in the underwear is because he never wipes himself anymore. He doesn't remember how. What a mess. Just one of the problems of dementia. My worst fear. I am sure it is going to get much worse. I don't know how to tell a person except be straight forward. Be forceful and say this is the way it has to be.

We had another problem with bathing. He didn't remember to use a washcloth or soap. He thought if he was wet he was finished. Perhaps this is how your person is still smelly even after a shower. He just didn't know how to do it. Now I get in with him and we shower together. I have a two person shower. I guide him through the steps. Top to bottom. He has to follow my steps or he would be so stinky! If you have a regular tub, get a shower chair, and a hand held shower and use it instead of regular shower. All that water running on their head scares them. I hope I have posted some helpful ideas. Oh and keep the room really warm because Alz patients don't like to be cold. Who does when taking a shower?

just a note for the poop accident problem we have been giving my dad refrigerated probiotics there are specifically made for seniors and he hasn't had any poop accidents in the last 6 months

My ex-mother-in-law told me what works for her is a couple of tablespoons of white rice [not the instant rice] and that has calmed down her stomach, thus no more accidents. She is so happy to have found that as it is one less med to take :)

As for smells, I was just thinking backs almost 50 years how the older women use to smell of roses.... now a days it seems like older women don't wear perfume, or they aren't getting the perfume or talc as gifts like they use to. Don't know if talc would mask the smell or make it worse.... or be one more think to clean up if the talc gets all over the bathroom.