How can I make my mom chip in with the bills?

NAHEATON:

Thanks for the laugh, and your objectivity. You have this uncanny ability to see things for what they really are; and sprinkle it with that "been there, done that" I can't describe.

-- ED

JUST:

Well, at least she didn't take the all the toilet paper and ice cube makers like my ex did just to be spiteful.

There's a peace of mind that comes with reclaiming your own home. But like Naheaton said, be prepared. The monkey's off your back, but that doesn't mean the circus is out of town.

Good luck my friend.

-- ED

Mule, First of all I don't know anyone would want a donkey, but that's beside the point. You might as well start thinking what you're going to do when she, at age 68 now, gets sick and needs help in the future. If she hasn't gotten re-married by then, she's going to come to you for help. Don't get taken by surprise 10 years from now, get your head around what the future will look like, and be prepared.

She took the little donkeys, told my brother she gave them away. But the man that bought them, has called here looking for her. She could have left the little dog ... I miss her.

I worked last Saturday and when I got home everything was gone. Including all the food in the house. I have spent this week getting my house back in order and cleaning up.

Thanks for all the support..

JUST A MINUTE!

I didn't read all the posts before I commented, and now I feel like an a__. There was a surprise party after all. What happened to the burros? Did you keep them? If you did, you know she's coming back for them -- after her "friend on the other coast" gets sick of her and the little dog too. There's no dignity without sanity, so remain assertive and enforce your boundaries. Of course I'm a compassionate individual, but if I were you I'd let her move back in ... after the funeral.

-- ED

MULE:

Feeling like a beast of burden? She's on 68, and getting over ... on you. While she's tending to her donkeys (and online dates), get cardboard boxes and pack her stuff. Let her know the gravy train is leaving, donkeys and all. Or start cutting the privileges she apparently can't afford: a roof over her head, space for her new roommates, free Internet, etc..

Children are not a retirement account, so we shouldn't bring them into the world and then charge them for it. She gets it, but believes you can't do anything about it. ... It's time you throw her a surprise party.

-- ED

Thanks to everyone! I put my foot down with mom and had the cable/phone/internet shut off until I could pay it. I got a 6 page letter that afternoon about what a piece of crap I was, ( I refused to respond to the letter), she got a cell phone after 3 days and moved out 10 days later. She left a note saying she was going to have to put her dog down due to MY irresponsibility. I found out she moved in with her friend on the other coast, so the little dog wasn't put down... just another guilt trip. She told all her friends adn the family I treated her like crap, threw her out and a bunch of other "exaggerations" but I think they all know it is mostly drama on her end. Maybe one day we can patch it up, but for now, there is a great weight off my shoulders. I hope she can find happiness in her life.

Yes, you will have to be "bad" to get your life back.

Be firm with her. Tell her you can not afford the extra costs and stress of having her living with you. Tell her you cannot afford to provide free housing for her mules or to pay for her long distance charges or anything else you're covering.

Tell her you will give her 30 days to find an apartment -- give a specific cutoff date, say September 15. Tell her if she does not find one, you will rent a room (don't put your name on the lease) for her and help her move in on the cutoff date. If you have to pay the first month on the room, it would be worth it to you to have her out.

She obviously has no appreciation for what you are sacrificing for her and is obviously able to take care of herself. So you shouldn't feel badly at all about getting her out so that you can take care of yourself. If you let her stay, she'll drag you both down.

Take a deep breath and lay down the law and a move-out date TODAY.

Yes that was Long Distance...
Mom is 68. She gets aproximately $ 800 + a month in SSI. Apparently she filed or is filing bankruptcy for her Credit card bills but last year when I asked her about paying a little, she had $10k in the bank from a workers comp settlement. She said she couldn't touch that money because she might need it later for her foot, but she flew to two different locations to meet guys she met online. (She said they paid)
There is little to no communication. I am torn between cutting off the cable/phone /internet to prove a point, but I am pretty rural and don't want to leave her here during the day without a way to call for help. I don't know how to legally ask her for rent after 4 years. Or ask her to leave without going through the eviction process. Again- I will be the bad guy.

May I ask how old is your mom at this point? LD - LONG DISTANCE? If she is contributing to some item's expense and she has funds I don't see anything wrong with her helping what she is adding to in regards to bills.