My mom was diagnosed with VD about 10 years ago; she is now 90 and my dad is 92. Two years ago they moved from the senior community they loved to an independent living facility when my dad told me he could no longer deal with the responsibilities of the house and mom even with in- home help. My mom has been on Prozac most of her adult life and, as her doctor said, is quite the narcissist.
Mom's VD appears to be progressing and she is often depressed for which she blames my dad. He is too stubborn (and too cheap) to hire more help to take care of her and sometimes he loses his temper. Recently he blew up at her and she is now very depressed, brining up all of their marital problems for the past 67 years. When she calls me, she says that I "don't know" how "bad" dad was to her all these years because she was taught not to talk badly of her husband. She says I always take his side and that dad does not tell me the truth. I know she is irrational due to her dementia, but I really do not know what to say to her, so she ends up saying she is sorry she "bothered me."
Dad really does not have the capacity to take care of her when she gets this way, so he has taken to letting her sit on the couch all day and sleep. Dad tries to over protect her which she finds controlling, but the truth is that she really cannot do much for herself and often falls, ending up in the hospital, which makes him furious.
I spoke to her doctor about mom's complaint that Dad is "abusive" but he has been no help. The psychiatrist says he can increase her Prozac, but I am not sure this will really help.
Is it time to move her into assisted living separate from my dad? He is resistant to this because of the cost, even though he can well afford it. I feel caught in the middle of a cheap, stubborn dad and a crazy mom. I thought maybe a month in respite care might be a good idea, but I know it is not a long-term solution. Thoughts?????