Mom with terminal cancer refuses to accept her situation. Any suggestions?

Maybe she isn’t suffering the way it appears to you. Perhaps her way of living the quality of life she wants is to keep trying, keep positive until the end rather than accepting her fate and allowing her body to go. It might actually be nice to e able to live in full denial, I mean who really wants to just wait for your final breathe rather than making the most of the ones your taking. I know it’s not the same, especially for you having to watch but it’s kind of like high level athletes who choose to suffer through a lot of pain and exhaustion pushing their body’s beyond limit for the gains they experience later, both mental and physical.

Maybe you could think about it differently and take great solace in the fact that Mom is choosing to go on her own terms, no regrets. What a gift not being so consumed by your fate and choosing to take charge of it. My thoughts go out to you at this difficult time.

Let her believe ....do not argue...let her do what she wants. The Hospice Chaplain will deal with the "dying issue". Just do what she wants. Her brain will turn off the "want to". Talk to her about the good times and things she has blessed you with.

I read down to your post that said your mother was no longer on any treatment. Her “oncologist stopped when the immunotherapy stopped working”. You are lucky in your realistic oncologist. My own (limited) experience with brain cancer is that it is one of the quickest, perhaps with pancreatic cancer. Ask the doctors how much longer she is likely to have. Even if she doesn’t change her mind about hospice, you and she may not have to go through this for much longer.

No- everyone is different, as you witness,  when you attend a funeral.

Some people deal with it, by "not dealing with it"- called avoidance or denial. And that is not always a bad thing.  If she hasn't settled her financial issues and pre arranged the death / funeral proceedings, that might be a problem.  However  still,  pre-planning a funeral is common with adults.

Its all in how to present and talk to her. If a person has a health decline that includes a cognitive problem such as memory, in the early phases , or any phase of death, it is best to simply go with the flow, if you will.  Trying to alter her way of thinking by telling her that her thoughts are irrational, will simply cause more grief and resistance. 

Enjoy your remaining time with your mom by meeting her "where she's at" mentally, emotionally, cognitively, physically and spiritually.