Mom with Parkinson's / dementia in rehab is not accepted by assisted living because of a verbally abusive husband who visits all day. Advice? - AgingCare.com

Mom with Parkinson's / dementia in rehab is not accepted by assisted living because of a verbally abusive husband who visits all day. Advice?

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She refuses to sign a restraining order and wants him to keep seeing her. He has been removed by the police and many have witnessed him yelling and demeaning her in rehab. She can't go back home with him, and is being turned down by other facilities because of him. Her need for rehab is ending and insurance won’t pay much longer. I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be of help. Thx

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I get the impression this man is not her father.
Who has Moms POA. Since he has been walked out police, I would think the facility can keep him away. If Mom has Dementia she no longer reasons. She can't make informed decisions. If someone has POA see if they can get a restraining order.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I had that problem. My dad would go off on the staff and if no one was looking, he’d give my mom a piece of his mind.

I told him he’d be put in jail if he screams at people. That he could be charged with assault.

To my surprise, he’s stopped doing it. I think he’s getting some dementia and he loses control of himself but he can stop too. So maybe it’s not dementia.

He has always been verbally abusive. To everyone. I’d guess and say he’s a narcissist. But amazingly he’s started acting nicer because being abusive wasn’t working well for him.
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Reply to HolidayEnd
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I’m sure they are mutually codependent.
Is this your step dad? Does he have children? If you are alone in dealing with this, see if you can have him held for involuntary psychiatric evaluation, sometimes called the Baker Act. Adult Protective Services may be able to help you with this. Even the rehab facility may be able to offer you advice. This is a short term solution that might give you an opportunity to get your mom situated and a start on a diagnosis for her husband that might in turn be useful to get him help. Sorry for so many “mightd”. There are a lot of variables here. 
I’m also sorry you are dealing with this. Keep in touch here for support. We will try to help. 
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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Has your Dad always been verbally abusive towards your Mom (and/or towards you) OR is this something new that started when your Mom went into the hospital and then into rehab?

If your Dad has been abusive for years, he is now losing his "victim" and that person now has other people who are willing and able to stand up for her. I am sure that he is frightened and unsure what is going to happen next and what he is suppose to do next. He needs your Mom. She is part of his world and his world is falling apart. This is one time that you cannot treat your Dad as the Bad Guy and your Mom as the Good Guy, because they BOTH need your help. Does that make sense?

If it something new, then your Dad needs to be evaluated for dementia or other neurological or mental or emotional problems. Would your Dad be willing to see a counselor or to take anti-anxiety or psychotropic medications?

You may have to call Adult Protective Services. You also might consider contacting a local counseling center that specializes in the elderly and see if they have any suggestions. This problem is not going to be easy to resolve.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Call Adult Protective Services and try to get help there. She needs help she isn’t capable of understanding
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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