Mom with dementia won't use the restroom, instead sits in her chair and poos or pees in her diaper! Any advice?

Follow
Share
29

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
You have to keep track of her bowel movements & kind of think for her or look for signs that she has to”go” like if she has stomach cramps or is passing gas....put her on toilet schedule also helps
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to CaregiverL
Report

My Mom had her bathroom not ten feet away, straight ahead and forgot where it was. I even had a sign on the door. I had a little table in her room right out side the door. She was to call me when she felt she had to go. Well, this one time she didn't, thought the table was a toilet and went #2.

The first time I had to wash that comforter, it wouldn't go back on the bed.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

SusanA43

Maybe, but they should have mentioned to you they gave her this medicine and they had no idea when it would start to work
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to shad250
Report

Infinity, hugs to you. What an ordeal you have gone through.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Mapotter
Report

Shad, to be honest, I don't think it was intentional that they gave Mom the laxatives before our trip. They simply didn't think to look at the records long enough to realize she was going out that day. I had a pretty good working relationship with the nursing staff for the most part, and they were great about keeping me informed, once I let them know that I wanted to be informed of every medicine change. I still had to ask and remind them, but at least they gave me the info when I asked.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AnonymousMember
Report

((Hugs)) to you, Infinity. Your mom's story could almost be my mom's, with the exception that I didn't have to go to court to become her caregiver and there was no drugging involved - but the unwillingness to get up and use the bathroom, the messes from incontinence, the food sneaking and hoarding...and the loneliness. I completely understand that. When I was caring for Mom, there simply was no time or room in my life for anything else. I ran my business from home and cared for Mom - that was it. I managed to sneak in one 4 day vacation to visit my son in another state, but I had to pay a caregiver to come in and take care of Mom, because none of the family members could/would do it.

Hang in there. The job is tough and thankless, but I do believe there's a reward waiting for us somewhere.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to AnonymousMember
Report

I thank you all for ta king the time to comment on my post. I "won" my mom in a lengthy and nasty court battle where I spent $6000+ on lawyer fees to prove my sister had extorted $126,000 from her bank account and destroyed her house and...overdosed mom everyday on fentanyl! 6 months later things are very different, mom is opiate free but the dementia worsens everyday. She only uses the toilet in her chair, and at the advice of her doctor I have set the timer every 2 hours. Most of the time she absolutely refuses to get up and go. When I can convince her togo, she says "where do you want me?" I tell her to go to the bathroom and she gives me that blank, almost frightened and certainly confused stare. I am a widower, so I moved in her house to keep her home and out of a care facility. It often makes me so sad to see her like this! Often I have to totally scrub her leather recliner and her afterwards because since she is off opiates, her bowels are no longer constipated but loose. Mom is sleeping probably 18 hours a day. She is no longer willing to get out of the chair and accompany me on trips to the store. She does stay up, roam the house for snacks (that she hides in the chair and they get pooed and peed on!) ... but I keep the lights on for her and waken several times to lead her back into her chair and replace her oxygen cannula as she has severe COPD. It is a very very lonely thing to do, as other family members have a life. My life is revolved in mom, 24-7. I get depressed and lonely, but do my best, and always remember the fantastic mother she used to be for me. This is the full circle of life, sad but true.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Infinity
Report

SusanA43

NH staff probably shared a laugh after you left with your mom
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to shad250
Report

Oh my, Susan. Even the short time Mom was in a NH for respite care, the communication was terrible.... They didn't do what I asked them to do.

I tried to get Mom to go to the bathroom today, knowing that the hospice aide said she hadn't finished going, but wanted to get up off the toilet. That was 10:00. Mom slept all day. It was after 5 when I tried to walk her to the bathroom. She wanted no parts of it and told me that I was a pain in the ***. I have been overly sensitive this week... :-/
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Mapotter
Report

Mapotter - sorry to hear that. I completely understand where you're coming from there. My mother was regular her whole life, as long as she had a bowl of raisin bran in the morning, or some other high-fiber cereal. That's all it took for her to stay regular. I stated this to the NH, but somehow it got lost in the shuffle, and they were just giving her eggs and toast, etc for breakfast - no fruit, no cereal. Well, of course, she got constipated and couldn't go for a few days, so they started the Senna - no notice to me at all, the medical POA. I had no idea she was on it until we took a day trip with her several hundred miles in duration, to one of her favorite locations. We stopped for a restroom break, and when mom went to get up out of her seat in the van, she said, "Uh oh!" and there was a horrendous noise and smell - you can just about guess. I had brought extra clothing, wipes, extra adult diapers, etc - but omg....it was horrible. My sister was with me and did the largest amount of cleanup, bless her - I felt terrible for her. I offered to do it, because I was used to it - but she wanted to do it. I think she regretted that later.

Went back to the NH and asked them if they had her on a laxative - yup, SIX SENNA TABS A DAY. And they had given them to her right before we left, knowing full well she was going to be in a vehicle for a large part of the day. "You can always tell us not to give them to her if you're taking her out!" - right - but I didn't even know she was on them, because you didn't tell me!! I really don't miss those days.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AnonymousMember
Report

1 2 3