Today I got a call from the Memory Care saying that my mother had "put her hands" on another resident and that they needed to notify me because an incident report needed to be filed and they wanted me to speak to my mother about not putting hands on anyone again. Since this was so out of character for her I immediately went to the home to talk to her and the aids that are taking care of her. I found out that what had actually happened was much worse than it sounded. Another resident who has been coming into my mother's room uninvited and found sleeping in her bed or going through her stuff had again come into my mother's room. I had told her previously when this happens she need to immediately go get the staff. She says they never do anything to stop this. Today it happens that Mom was in using her bathroom and the woman walked into her room. Mom told her to leave and the woman got very belligerent and swore at Mom. Apparently Mom had enough and "showed" this woman that she was not going to put up with her anymore. The aids had to stop her from throttling the woman. My question is can they say that because my mother is showing a violent tendency that she can no longer live there? Years ago when we tried to place my Dad no nursing home would take him because he would loose his temper and clock people. Fortunately he was eligible for the VA. He had dementia and Parkinson's. Mom has never reacted this way before and most everyone talks about how sweet she is. But I do see her getting worse with the dementia and fear this may be a new aspect that we may be looking at. I did ask if they could please try to keep this woman away from her as I do see just being in her presence agitates her. The woman's family are real bullies so I'm fearful they may try something themselves.

I spoke to the MCNurse manager today and told her that I had gone right in last evening and discussed the situation with my mother. I brought up the issues that Mom has been dealing with the other resident. I found out that they have given her a key to keep her room locked along with keeping the door closed. The other woman had been going in even with the door closed. I told them that I felt that the fact that she had come into Mom's room when the door was closed and Mom was using the bathroom, that it was really an invasion of her privacy and the staff needs to do more to restrict the other woman from wandering about so freely. I was assured that they are working on this problem and it should be resolved soon. I think they are working to move her to Skilled Nursing. I also spoke with Mom's MD and he suggested doing a UA and a stool test to make sure we are not dealing with an infectious problem. If all is clear and she continues to decline mentally he wants to see her and possibly adjust her meds. At this point I feel I have done all I can to address what is going on and hope that is being taken into consideration as well. I think it is interesting that Isthisrealyreal said the same thing my brother said when I called to let him know what is happening. He said she should get a medal for standing up for herself.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Nancynurse

My mother became combative in her MC facility as well. For some reason, this seems to be common among dementia patients. People would wander into her room, but she would also go into other resident’s rooms and take things.

Your mother should not have to leave the facility for something that is not her fault. When my mother left her room, she would close her door and that did work to deter other residents from entering her room. She was on their radar because she showed combative tendencies, but not in a bad way. They just kept an “extra” eye on her.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy

There are TWO problems here:
1) The other resident who apparently has dementia or cognitive problems and has NO BOUNDARIES and no ability to identify what is and is NOT hers. 

2) How your Mom responded to the other resident being in your Mom's room.

The Memory Care staff and administration have to deal with BOTH ISSUES.  They need to develop tactics that prevent or limit the other resident's ability to enter other residents' rooms without their knowledge or approval.  And they need to develop tactics to assist your Mom in not using physical force to attempt to remove the other resident from your Mom's room.

This is not an easy situation.  Some MCU allow residents to "wander" into other residents' rooms or sleep in other residents' beds or wear other residents' clothes without any reprimand or attempt to alter that resident's actions.  You need to talk with the MCU Nurse Manager, the Social Service Director and the Administrator and tell them that the actions of the other resident are upsetting your Mom and that they need to find some way to change the other resident's behavior and to find some way to restrict the other resident from entering your Mom's room and prevent the other resident from sleeping on your Mom's bed ASAP.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to DeeAnna

This was not an unprovoked attack. The facility needs to answer how they are going to protect your mom from this womans aggressive behavior. That she went off on your mom when she was pilfering through her room again needs to be addressed.

I personally think it's great that your mom stood up for herself, they pay for their rooms, they should be able to feel like it's their space.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal

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