So 88 year old mom has severe pulmonary hyper tension, a-fib and chf. Also riddled with osteo arthritis and is barely mobile.. Recently has developed acute dementia-hallucinating, wandering at night, angry with those closest to her, not recognizing people, the whole gamut.
I am blessed to have siblings who pitch in. We've been taking turns staying with her around the clock, in her apartment, recognizing that it's not safe for her to be alone. Earlier thought she could come live with me at my house but Doc said not wise to change her environment at this time. Could set her off and make her worse. And I have steps to contend with. While I couold put a stair lift in, afraid she will wander, be confused and fall down he steps. Has had multiple falls.
She sleeps - A LOT. I'm the oldest daughter and have DPOA.
She is very confused that there are different people her at different times. She thinks I live here and doesn't understand why there are different people here on different days. Says this isn't working for her but no one can live with her in a 1 bedroom apartment on an air mattress from a suitcase. She doesn't have many resources and is terrified that the "system" will take all of her money (~45,000) and leave her broke.
Any ideas?
So appreciate this forum and I'm so tired and frustrated.

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I agree with Jessie, time for Mom to have a higher level of care. Your Mom's doctor is correct that your Mom would become more confused if moved, but the doctor isn't the one doing the caregiving or may not have ever experienced it him/herself. It's easier said then done.

How wonderful that the siblings are on the same page helping out. That will work as long as everyone remains healthy, but chances are someone will get burnt out. Then what?

I tried sleeping on Dad's sofa one night after he [94] came home from the hospital, and it took days for my back to recover because of my own age and health issues. This is a much younger person's job !! I quickly called in caregivers from an Agency.
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I agree with JesseBelle. How long can you keep up sleeping on an air mattress and switching off shifts with siblings? Your mom is already confused, even trying your best. So now you need to consider what is best for ALL of you - you siblings included.

Get mom into a facility for memory care, where there are three shifts of people to deal with her and activities she can participate in and appropriate medical care. It won't be easy for any of you, but it will set mom up for the long-term care she needs.
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WearyInPit, your doctor offered an opinion. Sometimes their opinions are wrong. To me it sounds like your mother would do better in a facility. The initial move is rough, but there are no stairs to fall down and no lift for her to have to remember how to use. I would look around and find a facility that is the best for her. The logic is that she needs around the clock care and the place where she is now is a danger to her. That outweighs the initial confusion and anger she will feel in having to move. The system will most likely take all of her money quickly, but you can apply for Medicaid for her to cover most costs when the money is gone.

I do not envy the task before you. The good thing is that it will be hard emotionally on everyone for a month or two, but how you are all living now is not working well for any of you.
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