Hello, all. I’m caregiving from a distance for my 90+ yo parents. We have part-time caregivers in place. I deal with multiple problems with them over the phone every day and visit once a week.
My dad is still fairly sharp, but Mom is well on her way to the land of Dementia. She has never been easy to deal with, is narcissistic and never took accountability for anything she does. She creates a lot of problems in the house.
My issue is, how does one deal with a parent who doesn’t listen, can’t remember anything and always denies causing the problem? I am trying to be patient and understanding but am having a rough time. Appreciate any tips anyone has.
The time has likely come for honest assessment with your parents and placement.
If they are unwilling to allow themselves to be in care, and are competent to make that decision, then I would let them know that you cannot continue to function long distance from where you are, and that they will have to either accept the option of a placement in care or not, but that you will not continue to manage their care or attempt to as of a certain date.
As your Mom is likely incapable of rationally deciding any of this, it is your father you will be speaking with. I wish you the best of luck.
Stop taking their calls. Let them leave a message and you call back at a certain time each day. Wean them from their dependence on you and realize that you can no longer keep this up. Good luck with doing that!
and have tried to adjust my attitude to be more loving and respectful and try to get her involved in some activities but she refuses. Example, this week one morning, she called me 10 times in less than 2 hours. If i dont answer, she comes down here, comes right in and wakes me up. Doesnt matter if ive only been asleep for maybe 2 hours. Very frustrating as you well know. The only advice i have is to take care of yourself first, get help when you need more. I wish you the best and always say a prayer for all caregivers daily. Its a hard job especially when we love them so much. Liz💕
24/7 in home care is much more expensive than assisted living ,
I had a narcissist with dementia for a mother, the only solution was 24/7 care in assisted living . These type don’t listen to their children and place blame on everyone else . Dementia just makes the narcissism worse . My mother’s geriatrician said placement is often necessary at some point when a LO has dementia .
I will say , you only talk to mom on the phone, my mom on the phone sometimes seems 100 fine and like she has no cognitive decline, in person it's a whole new ball game.
Mostly what I'm saying is she could be worse than you think she is.
Do you have anyone that checks on them.
Might be time to think of AL, if mom goes before dad, he will likely need to go anyways. This will make the transfer easier.
So sorry, we all here know what a difficult time this is.