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The last day she said it she alone was hearing church music, & piano playing throughout the day.

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For my husband death was embraced, he had suffered for 12 years, his illness took us both down to our knees. It was the final solution, we are all born to die, so IMO we must accept it.

All I would say to your mother is "I understand", as for the music, I hear Tom Petty in my head on & off all day, God only knows why him! I have Meniere's, my ear doctor says that is why I hear music! So I just go with it!
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Reply to DollyMe
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My father would always say a dramatic "the end is near". For him it was an attention getting mechanism. While I know sooner or later he will be right I can't be in fire drill mode every time he says this.

His mother's line was "this is my last Christmas". She had 15 of those.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Sounds like this is comforting to her. Many people with dementia are seeking comfort when they become anxious looking for their mother, or their car, or the way to get "home". "Dying today" doesn't have the same meaning to her that it does to you. Think of a response that feels comfortable to you, such as "but I am so glad that you are here with me now." Add a comforting touch and it becomes an opportunity to celebrate love. As one who lost both parents in the past year, I can tell you that your mom is right. She may not be here tomorrow, so appreciate her today and be grateful that "dying today" is not bringing her anxiety. You can reframe the meaning of that phrase. She can't.
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Reply to Peekachu
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My father had vascular dementia and he often used to say he is going to die. I used to get phonecalls asking me to come home because he thinks he is going to die. I was not very sympathetic, long story but I ended up telling him that there is nothing i can do. We all are going to die one day. He said i didn't care. Just wanted to make me feel guilty. He would often say he wants to die. I didn't like that but now he has passed away in December of 2019. He got his wish. I do misss him but I don't miss the toxic relationship we had. It is not easy with dementia so try to be strong. I was alone with my dad who suffered for 7 years and it drove me insane too. I am relieved he is no longer suffering. May he rest in eternal peace
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Reply to KARIMBHAWAN
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I believe that some people are blessed with seeing visions and/or hearing from the other side. Heavenly music and those that have gone on before preparing them for their time.

Praise The Lord that she is ready and looking forward to going home. That makes it easier for those left to mourn the loss.

May you all be comforted when she goes on before.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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As Peekachu says, it is possible this brings her peace. She is ready, every day, to meet her maker. Be aware, sometimes someone comes to them to tell them when they will pass. I warned my DH and he actually saw his first wife (predeceased him)before he went into the Death Coma. His passing was very peaceful.

After my mother passed in 2004, I assisted my father for 7.5 years until he passed in 2011. Especially during the first year, he was hospitalized 7 times for surgeries.

I sat with him until he was taken to the O.R. and each time I said the same thing to him - "I will be here when you awaken but if you must go, tell Mom I miss her." It brought comfort to both of us. I never asked him to "hold on" for me and was thrilled for him the day he saw Mom again. The joy on his face said it all.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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I suggest accepting the statement with little fuss and set aside your own fears in the moment. My mom (and house mate) speaks of her death often. I am her only child that doesn't reflexively say "oh no!" or "don't say that!". She needs to express it, and it often leads to jokes about the "great shopping mall in the sky". She doesn't seem to fear it, and is ready and at 93. I don't blame her, because most of her peers have died or have dementia.

Funny story. Had a recent trip to the hospital with a series of what seems to be T.I.A.s (mini strokes). The nurse asked her if she had to "go" now. Mom cradled the nurse's cheeks in her hands and slurred, "I might have to go now, but it's not your fault." And although we did really fear she was dying, the nurse was only asking if she had to go to the bathroom. We all had a chuckle, including my Mom who keeps her sense of humor under some of the worst circumstances. This very resilient woman is back to her normal - writing checks (with some mistakes to be corrected), showering and dressing herself, cooking (with varied results), and toddling around the house.
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Reply to klizzy
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Never ask your loved one to stay for you. They are ready to go and we should be able to accept that. Death is natural and certainly welcomed by those who are tired of living. My dad will say I want to die and I say, I know, dad. Or he might say, I might not be here after today, and I say, that’s possible. He wants to go on so badly and I want that for him too.
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Reply to Harpcat
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Re the music: google "musical ear syndrome." It affects the hard of hearing.
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Reply to NewandTrying
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Tizaboy Jan 26, 2020
Yes, I've heard beautiful fiddle music. It goes with hearing loss which I have, comes and goes. Also have had hymns. I can't imagine where the selection comes from. It is very real. I had my husband listening for it out the window. Googled what was going on and was reassured by reading about musical ear syndrome.
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Most days your mother says she's going to die, she won't. You can answer that you will miss her.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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