Mom with Alzheimer's has "escaped" several times and neighbors or strangers have brought her back to my Dad. Any advice?

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My mom has Alzheimers. My dad then wants to put her in a Memory wing of Assisted living. THEN, she has a good day where she is wonderful and sweet and nice. Dad then changes him mind. I can't blame him he is the main caregiver and is worried for her safety. He has check out several homes and has called several family meeting to take the big step and then cancels. He is 85 and getting worn out. Any Suggestions?

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It's time for your mom to be in a safe setting. Your dad needs to understand that this move is for her safety. He won't likely think about it making his own life easier, but tell him that when she is cared for by others, he can spend more time with her just enjoying her company. The hard work is done by the caregivers.

Then, you parents can do things together without worrying about her.

Good luck. This is never easy but it sounds like in your case this is the right thing to do.
Carol
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Your father seems to consumed with guilt over his inability to cope with the situation. You and/or your siblings need to take the reins and hold the necessary meeting. Take the guilt off his shoulders for making the decision that apparently needs to be made. Your mother's safety and your father's health should be top priority here - let the guilt go.
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First of all get her a bracelet with her name address and phone number. get one that she can not remove.
I absolutely agree with the above advice but the parents may not be able to take that step immediately or ever. No doubt dad gats tired and takes a nap and Mom goes for a walk. I don't think she sees it as trying to escape. Would dad be open to putting locks on the door or simple alarms but loud enough for him to hear. if she has to open a gate alarm that too.
One an elderly lady rang my doorbell on a late summer evening leading a Boston terrier. She said she came from a town about 30 miles away and her family had driven off without her. she asked to use the bathroom and while she was gone I looked at the dogs collar and there was her name and address. her name was the same as the town but she lived within half a mile of my house.
I just popped her in the car and took her home she recognized the street and pointed out her house. Half the neighbors and family were gathered and the police alerted. her husband told me her memory had been failing since she had a stroke
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Yes, support his decision, go forward with the meeting anyway. Take the reins, he needs to be told this is OK, this is the best move. Alleviate his sense of guilt for not being able to do it all. Reassure him that he can still visit her after she settles in. The facility may recommend a no-contact period of two weeks. This allows the patient to accept their new surroundings and acclimate to their new home. Her MD may prescribe anxiolytic meds for the transition.
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