My Mom wishes to die but my Dad is forcing food and liquids. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My Mom wishes to die but my Dad is forcing food and liquids. Any advice?

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My mother is 92 in April and has suffered for years. Nov.30 she had her last stroke and now wishes to die.
We've had her reveal her wishes to my father yet he is now forcing liquids and food along with insisting she get out of bed.
The battle to let her go has left me lifeless and beaten.
I've cared for her since May 6 away from my own home state. I need to go home
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Dianemarie, he obviously worships your mother and is in a total panic. Call his MD and get him in so the doctor can write a prescription, possibly an anxiety med, so he can get through this. And calmly take his hands and tell him she could choke to death. He certainly doesn't want that to happen. Get him out of the house when the Nurses are there, make up an errand to go on.
Watching them makes him feel helpless, a very anti-manly feeling.
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(((((((hugs))))) how very difficult. I am sorry you are going through this. I see there are two problems or maybe three One is the immediate one of your mother and allowing her to go at her own rate, one is that you need your own home, and one is that you are planning on taking your dad back with you. Have you given a lot of thought as to what that will entail?
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She's just been released from the nursing home as she wasnt improving and Medicare stopped paying. Hospice has been here. My father had a small stroke and mentally isn't getting it any longer. He's just being the man


Thank you for your comment
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Any chance that your Mom's doctor could order hospice? Or order her to be moved to a nursing home? Depending on the nurses, maybe they could convince your Dad that he is doing more harm than good, even if what he is doing he feels is right.
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You've successfully put a smile on my face today .. The first in hours.
He isn't telling at her. Just a wild man when it comes to others infringing. She can no longer feed herself and doesn't want nourishment.
I don't want all this resentment! When she goes I'm taking him on in my own home. I am growing to hate his voice :-/
You're a blessing
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Forgot to say that if he is forcing food and drink on her, let him know that it's natural that she isn't very hungry and her body can only process a little food. It wouldn't be good if he was standing over her forcing the food into her mouth or yelling at her to eat.

My father used to hide his food in little blue bags stuffed here and there. That way my mother was thinking he was eating it. Later he would get the little bags and put them in the garbage. Little gets past the caregiver (me), since I handled the garbage. Sly old fox. :)
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Thank you for your comment. It's nice to know I'm not alone. She's suffered so long and I want her to be able to pass yet he is yelling at staff and keeping other caregivers away. You are kind to reply
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Dianemarie, my mother had the same type problem letting my father go. She would fuss at him to eat and drink. They were together over 60 years, so she probably didn't want to face life without him. She needed to keep him alive, if only for herself. We can not really intervene, because the spouse has to work through this important process of loss and grieving on their own terms. Hope this helps some.
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