After a fall in June, and a useless stay in rehab through July, my sister and I made the decision to sell my mom's house and move her to the best memory care we could find because she has severe dementia--probably stage 6, pushing stage 7. Because of the fall, she became so fearful of standing (and falling again) that she has become wheelchair bound as well. The memory care is wonderful, but mom alternates between thinking it's her house and thinking she is going home sometimes. She is starting to have some negative behaviors with the staff because she is so confused why they are "violating" her privacy. We never had "the talk" with her telling her she was there permanently because she literally has about a three second short term memory. However, she will probably outlive her funds as we can only afford nine more months and this is NOT a Medicaid facility. We couldn't find any that would take her because of the combination of being non-ambulatory and dementia!! They have promised to help with the Medicaid paperwork and get her into the good SNF in the area a few months prior to running out of money even though it currently has a years long waiting list. Should I trust them??? I don't know that I have other options as it was a struggle to even get her into this private pay facility in the first place. Do I bother to try and explain any of this to mom when the time comes or assume that she'll be even less cognizant six months from now, and it won't matter? I'm just freaking out months in advance over having to move her to a shared room "hospital" type setting after being in this lovely home like facility.
I wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
Are you really expecting one-on-one care for her? If so, you will need to continue to pay for a private aid in her home or care for her yourself. Even very high-end places in my metro suburban area doesn't offer that ratio, particularly since we're in a labor shortage with no end in sight.
If you are too picky and wait for her to require Medicaid, then you will guarantee she will only qualify for the worst places.
Join Nextdoor.com (which is an intranet of actual non-anonymous people living in your own community) and ask for suggestions and recommendations for facilities. The lawyer isn't going to have a full knowledge of all facilities and will be happy to take your money for a search you can be doing yourself for free.
Given there is dementia it would be only cruel to discuss this with your mother who could be thrown into a paranoia of utter abject fear.
Sadly you are in the place all caregivers are--and it is full of fear. For now you have sought and been given the best answers there are.
I wish you ongoing good luck. I hope you'll stay on the forum as you may read helpful things as you go.
No, this is too important a thing to leave to others. Besides, when she applies for Medicaid you will need to supply all the personal and financial info to whoever is filling out the app anyway -- they don't have access to it and can't conjure it up on their own.
Look for nursing home recommendations on Nextdoor.com as this will be easier, quicker and the comments will be more honest.
Don't wait until she runs out of money (3 months before she runs out). Download the Medicaid app for her home state and look at the info that is required. I did it for my MIL and if your Mom doesn't have hardly any money or assets, there's nothing much to fill out. You don't need a middle man for this. Just know that it is very time-sensitive and if they come back and ask for more or clarified information, you need to provide it immediately or else you will need to reapply from the start.
No, do not attempt to tell your Mom "truth" about her situation since she can't even retain it. Use "therapeutic fibs" like, "Mom, when you can demonstrate your ADLs to your doctor then s/he will reassess you for release." Then change the subject.
Is your Mom on any meds for depression/anxiety/agitation? If not, it is probably time to ask her primary doctor.
Do not allow yourself to freak out when nothing has happened yet. Save your emotional energy to find solutions. I wish you peace in your heart on this journey.