My 86 year old mother had a fall and fractured her pelvis. She had surgery, and is now waiting for a bed in a rehab facililty that can accommodate someone for 4 weeks +. My 86 year old father is visiting her, etc. I'd like to talk to him about starting to clean out things like his office, the shed, etc. while she is gone. I'm not suggesting to move things around in common areas but to start in his office, personal dresser, etc. My parents have lived in the house for nearly 60 years and it's full of stuff. Eventually they, or he, will need to move to either a facility or to a condo. It will take a long time to empty the house. I'm not the best person to clean out his office or his dresser, how can I persuade him to do this now, while my mother is not home?
Start by insinuating that her doctor wants decluttering because it is a safety issue for her (this is called a "therapeutic fib").
List 2 or 3 of the rooms where safety will be most important when she returns. Let him decide which of the 3 to start with. Maybe find a list online of what and how to declutter. Let him see it's not just you wanting him to "throw out stuff" but that it is generally an acceptable idea. Don't talk about any of the other areas. Just work on success of 1 or 2 rooms in the house to start with.
Once he gets used to it (if he does), then you can ask him what other rooms he thinks will be important to declutter. It won't be a perfect or smooth effort with him, so be flexible and have tempered expectations.
I got my very elderly Aunts to declutter by suggesting they give their nieces and nephews (and grands) the items they would inherit after they died while they were still alive so that they would know the intended parties received it plus they got to experience the joy and gratitude of giving it to them directly. That worked pretty well.
Maybe start by having a conversation like this...
"Dad, mom will need more room to move around when she gets home. We should start to make sure that the floors are clear, the halls are clear so she can move around without the risk of tripping."
If your parents are in a home with stairs add this....
"Mom might not be able to do stairs easily any more, and there is the risk of falling. We should clear out the living room or your office so we can put a bed in there so she does not have to do stairs."
One of the things you could suggest is that dad ask the rehab facility if they can provide a PT or OT consult to come look at the house and see if any changes or modifications should be made to make it easier and safer for mom. They might well bring up retting rid of clutter if they see it as a hazard.
personal note...I would not like it if my daughter or son came into my house and said "you need to clear out some of this stuff".
I know I have stuff.
I know I should get rid of some of it (a lot of it) but that is for me to decide to do and when to do it.
If I get pushed I may dig my heels in more. (how to tell you I am stubborn without telling you I am stubborn)
Take pictures of things that he may want to remember.
You might even put some photos in a frame for him to keep. Make a collage of photos that can be placed on a wall. That doesn’t take up much space and would bring him joy.
I think my elders missed that boat - the De-Clutter ship long since sailed away.
I need to do this myself... have started in a few areas even.. yet here I am.. reading a forum, procrastinating & getting distracted by other tasks.
The real reasons I have not finished are;
#1. I don't want to.
I don't want to do such a boring task. I don't want to use my day doing what I dislike most.
#2. Too many decisions. Bin? Keep? Store? This takes a long attention span. I am quite stressed at present & therefore my attention span is shortened.
#3. Physical ailmemts. Current injury & other niggles mean I physically tire moving stuff around. I also want to avoid pain.
Firstly, I think I would ask your Father if he WANTS to start de-clutterong. If he has no motivation, you won't get far.
If he IS motivated to do so, then ask what would help him eg Having you assist? Or hiring some sort of helper, a cleaner or support workser for a few days?
Also ask what is stopping him? Energy? Physical problems? Lack of concentration? Busy with arraning Mom's care?
Even if "very mentally competent" this does not mean he has the sustained energy, mobilitily or concentration needed to do this task.
With my MIL she was not coming back to home after a Hospital stay. POA was having an estate sale. So we started by getting rid of trash. I cleaned out closests. The pantry, refrigerator and freezer. Cabinets in kitchen and bathrooms. You could get rid of things u do not think will be missed. Sometimes just straightening up makes a big difference. My MIL had magazines up to the first shelf of a closet. My husband strung up 20 to a bunch. When done, the magazines fit in one car space. It can be done but trash first then ea room at a time. Or if you have help each person gets a room.
I assume you have spoken to him about this before?
If not, sit him down and honestly discuss it. My thought is that he will, as seems his norm, be cooperative, but somehow never get to it. It will likely be done during the "move" you anticipate, if at all.
Old people almost never want to get rid of their stuff.
Chances are, your Dad will never do this on his own.
My suggestion would be to have someone take your dad out for a meal. While he is gone, take out a couple of bags of trash.
Repeat as necessary.