So you take away the underwear and pads and make sure the only thing she has available in the drawer or bathroom are the depends. We had to do that with mom.
I might have her see her doctor to see what's going on. Is there a bladder infection? How long has she been incontinent? You might write down the memory problems so you make sure the doctor is aware. Maybe he could tell her she needs to use the depends and prescribe them so they will be covered. You will then find out if she is just being vain or if she is not mentally capable of dealing with it. She may not know how to wear them. She may forget to put them on. If her memory is declining, there are number or possibilities.
If she can't handle it, then she may need to be evaluated for a higher level of care, where she would not have the option to declining the depends. If it continues, she may ruin furniture and get an infection. Plus, this has to be very stressful for her. She must be very upset about it. If not, then that is of concern too.
I used a pull up and put a huge kotex in it for overnight.Later,when the pull up started cutting into her back because of the fluid she had,I also put one across her back on the pull up.My Mother became incontinent when she broke her neck 9 years before she passed but she had no mind issues like your dear Mom.I really hope you can get it figured out with her.Good Luck......
If she's in independent living, it sounds like she needs either a higher level of care (assisted living) or someone with her. My mom is in independent living and I was on the elevator the other day behind a woman who had clearly had an accident in her pants. It was pretty sad. I wouldn't want anyone to live like that.
If she can't handle it, then she may need to be evaluated for a higher level of care, where she would not have the option to declining the depends. If it continues, she may ruin furniture and get an infection. Plus, this has to be very stressful for her. She must be very upset about it. If not, then that is of concern too.