I just found out that mom has not only been wearing the same clothes for several days out of the week, but sleeping in them too. What do I do?

I'm including a link, but you can google or search YouTube for "Teepa Snow making visits valuable part 2: Senses", to help you understand what may be going on.

ww.youtube.com/watch?v=j9FFLaymycg&index=2&list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX

My mother does that.I think she does put on clean undies though. I just feel bad telling her that she looks like a walking food stain.

I notice I left out a w in the URL....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9FFLaymycg&index=2&list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX

Does she smell or look dirty? Does she shower at least 2 - 3 times a week.
If she looks presentable I would not worry too much about it. Most people tend to wash themselves too much. Some people never get out of their PJs and others sleep in their daytime clothes.
Maybe it is time for her to need a higher level of care.
People change a lot when as they age and conventions do not seem as important.
It is more important to make sure that Mom is safe has enough to eat and clean surroundings

I get this. Mother has to lean over so far to get to her plate, she always has food all over her shirt/blouse. We kind of salvaged that by having her buy these sleeveless "housecoats" that cover her clothes, and if she is going out that day, she will hang up the top she's going to wear, for later.

For the most part, she'd fairly fastidious, but she is getting a lot slower and somedays does spend the day in pjs.

Her physical comfort overrides all. I know she is down to two showers per week, but she cleans her face and private areas daily (very prone to UTI's).

My mom is 87, and she often wears the same comfy outfit for several days, as she is just around the house and doesn't get "dirty". She does take a bath every day, and clean undies,, wears her nighty to bed. I have to admit I also wear the same jeans for a day or two if I am just putzing around.. We have always done this.. so maybe its a trait in some areas or families? If we get dirty we toss them in the hamper! If is not smelly I wouldn't worry too much

She needs higher care. I am sure there are other things she is starting to do that you are not aware of.

She might be depressed and needs antidepressants. Is there a senior center around that she can attend? My mom lives in an independent living place that keeps her entertained along with going to church. My family takes her places so she isn't stuck in the building. She sounds like she is just lonely.

It seems your mom might be entering a phase where you should consider getting help for her, how`s her health? Yelling does not help, it is best to talk to her into explaining why she prefers to use that particular outfit over and over again. When my mother started doing that after a massive stroke, she was having early stages of dementia.

My mom would have clothes thrown over chair and her hair wasn't looking as nice as she used to fix. Please keep a watch over mom and don't blame her. My mom had early alzheimers. Just love her and help her. I miss my mom,even though she was a handful at times.

Hmmm... I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days (I've been off work). I don't think that necessarily means I need extra help. And by the way, I slept in the shirt.

I think you have to look at everything. My mom lived to 97.5 and by the end, was doing the very thing she used to yell at my dad for doing. She'd stay in the same p.j.s for days and wouldn't get dressed. But she changed her undies every day. I showered her once a week and she never had a UTI and didn't smell. When you start getting up there in age, you don't sweat as much as when you're younger (at least my mom didn't).

I think you need to look at the overall picture before you get too worked up. I would really key in on medications that she needs to take - is she getting them when she needs them? That's where my mom really DID need extra help. Just help mom get changed if she needs to change clothes more frequently. I do agree that as we age, some of the conventions that used to seem so important now seem less so and that's probably a good thing. 

If appearance has always been important to her, approach it knowing that she probably doesn't want to look unkept either. So, she's either having a cognitive problem in knowing or seeing that her clothes are dirty or in physically changing them. It may be difficult to pick out an outfit if she's starting a cognitive decline and still managing all of her own home. At some point as we age and slow down, something has to give. Also, buttons, zippers, and hooks can become difficult to see or manage. She may be getting more prone to feeling cold. Showering becomes incredibly difficult (and cold) for many elders, try as they might. Shaming will make her feel worse, move the problem (perhaps to not grocery shopping as often or cleaning her kitchen properly, things others can't see, but are more important) and possibly make her hide other things from you as she becomes less able, thinking you'll shame her for that too. Clearly, you're caring and don't feel great about shaming her. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone has less-than-perfect moments recognizing and coming to terms with aging parents. Maybe an apology for being hard on her will open the door to talking? In any case, try to keep the big picture in mind, and think about if she could use a hand at home once/twice per week.

It's time for mom to have some help come in. Perhaps only 1 to 2 days a week to help with laundry, clean sheets, clean clothes and companionship. Elderly who live alone start to feel like shut in's. If she can not get out to belong to a senior group, or church group then she needs to have companionship at her home. Does she have friends? you may need to organize outings with her at least once a week or more.

My DH doesn't have dementia of any kind according to the testing but has "age related memory loss" - that said, he does this and I was basically advised to let him be comfortable.

It is very difficult for him to manage buttons and his shoulders & arms ache with changing clothes too often. So as long as his health is good, I let him be. It is embarrassing to him ( and most seniors I would think ) to need so much help just changing a shirt.

He is 96 and I had to learn that I must pick my battles. As long as he is happy, comfortable and healthy - he is still here with me. If and when living gets too hard for him, he won't want to be here anymore.

I hope I am saying this all the right way - but they become almost like babies again and if you constantly nag, yell and complain, then no one will be happy.

Just try not to fall into the same routine yourself. That happens too.

Arlicohe, you mentioned that your mom went to the cemetery - was there a recent death, and could she be mourning a loss?

I believe the issue isn't so much how often a person bathes or changes clothes (unless s/he smells or has UTIs, etc.) but whether there has been a noted change in habits. As a previous comment said, people tend to bathe too much. However, it isn't a good sign if one who previously was fastidious about this begins to neglect it. However, to some degree family and caretakers need to keep it in perspective and "pick your battles".

I agree about trying to figure out what is really going on with your mom. If she just suffered a loss, she might be grieving. She could be depressed. I'd spend some time inside her home and take a look around to see if she's functioning okay. Is she bathing, taking her meds, paying bills, sleeping okay? Can you and she have a doctor check up. You might mention it to her doctor. It could be nothing, but, I would just watch it and not scold her. One of the early symptoms of my LO's dementia was not wearing appropriate clothes, not wearing clean clothes and not bathing. She would promise to do change, but, then didn't. Later, we saw how she wasn't capable. She was physically capable. Her arms and legs worked, but, the initiative to do things, even simple things, had left her, due to the cognitive decline. 

Not caring about ones own appearance, even if they live alone can possibly be connected to depression or other mental challenges. True also for Dementia patients.

However, what I would be concerned about is her level of energy to care for herself any longer. No longer wanting to change her clothing as normal for her could be an indication she needs more assistance. If she isn't feeling well physically it could also be that she just doesn't have the energy to change her clothing.

My mother-in-law with dementia went through that in the final years of her life. I wasn't able to get her to wear her pajamas in bed any longer, because it was just to much of an ordeal for her to use the energy to change - even with assistance. So we made sure the next day she was cleaned up and had clean clothing on to start fresh.

Sounds like your mom may also be grieving, so watch for depression.

My foster dad did something very similar. I don't know how often he ever went to the laundromat but he often war dirty clothes. One thing he did when he took off his socks is put them in a drawer only to wear them again but I didn't catch onto this for quite a while when I caught him at it. Another thing I noticed is when he changed clothes, they were always to dirty clothes. He really didn't like to have things like this addressed and I don't know how the hospital was able to remove his very filthy clothes that were actually falling apart. I would assume in this type of case when someone just won't change clothes and all you're left with is the only option of having to cut them off by cutting from the back and just removing them that way as a last resort if all other options fail. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this is what the hospital would've had to do with the dirty clothes since he just wouldn't take them off. I'm sure they were somehow able to remove his pants but I don't recall how they got his top off since he had to get dressed into a gown. Hopefully he was under some kind of sedation to relax him since he was agitated in the ER and I slept they bug in the ears of one of the nurses who told me he would be admitted. I warned her he was on the verge of leaving out of aggravation and that if she wanted to get him upstairs that she better do it now and maybe even give him a sedative. I then left so I don't know how they were able to get him upstairs but somehow they did because they actually ended up saving his life since he had pneumonia

The first thing I did when I saw the title of this thread was laugh. Then I glanced down to see what I was wearing. Then I read the post and the responses.

I am 72, living alone, and in my right mind. I prefer sleeping in pajamas, but every now and then I fall asleep in my clothes. And sometimes I leave them on the next day, unless I will be leaving the house! Sometimes I don't get dressed until I've been up several hours. And, after all, this is just a matter of changing from one top and bottom of cotton knit to another top and bottom of cotton knit! Big Deal.

Occasionally when I visit my best friend, even late in the afternoon, she'll be wearing pajamas. If I compliment her on them she'll say, "Yes. Aren't these lovely? They are nicer than anything I had clean to wear today, so I decided to leave them on while I do laundry." She is more fastidious about her appearance than I am, but that has been true since we were both in 5th grade, so no big changes there. But we feel we have had our careers, raised our children, nursed our husbands, and as retired widows we are allowed to value our comfort at home.

Arlicohe, what you should do, if anything, depends on what your mother needs. If she has a hard time changing clothes, maybe you can help her shop for things that are easier to get on and off. If she no longer cares what she looks like and generally thinks not much is worthwhile, maybe encourage her to see a doctor and describe her feelings to him or her. If she isn't dirty or smelly and she is OK about her clothes, maybe you should ignore it.

And if she is recently bereaved, all bets are off. How we behave while we are actively grieving is no indication of how we'll be the rest of our lives. And mourning is not the same as depression.

Dear arlicohe,

When my father was in rehab, he basically wore a t-shirt and gym pants all the time. He would sleep in the same clothes but they would help him change his clothes every day. He was also using Depends so those would be changed as needed.

I would try and not be so harsh on your mom given that she is living alone. When my father came home from rehab. He continued to live in t-shirts and gym pants. He would have a shower every two to three days and that's when he would change his clothes or if he spilled something on himself.

I'm not sure if your mom needs home care. My other suggestion would be to put clothes in other parts of the house to make it easier for her reach them and change when necessary.

My wife would change clothes 3 or 4 times a day just in case we went out or some one might stop by which neither happened. She died August 18th of Alzheimer's and I would love to see her changing clothes and instead I'm giving them away. Stop by and help her pick a change of clothes. Just love her. Please don't join the shoulda, coulda, woulda if only Ida club. :))

Does she go out at all? If there is a senior program she could go to maybe a few days a week, she'd let you help her put on fresh clothes.
Actually wearing the same things several days in a row as long as they don't look sloppy or dirty isn't a big deal--I work full time and will wear the same things the next day if they look decent (but don't sleep in them).

I think a lot of it depends on how your Mother has been about her appearance for most of her life. My Mother wouldn't dream of leaving the house without makeup and her hair done, so when she started to wear her pajamas and robe 24/7, I knew something was horribly wrong. It was a sure sign to me that her dementia was getting worse. I think depression has something to do with it as well. My Dad has been wearing the same clothes for days on end, mostly because he's depressed after losing Mom and just doesn't know what to do with himself. I'm trying to work on this issue with him myself, and that's one suggestion his doctor gave me.

Elders sometimes lose their sense of smell. My late mother did and I had to pull her aside and tell her that she needed to bathe better and change clothes more often.

I live with my mother and my mother goes to Senior Center twice a week. So the answers that it’s because she’s alone or needs socialization is not the case. My mother has been doing this since 2008. Wearing the same outfit for days and her answer is “well, I haven’t been working on the railroad and I don’t sweat”. My mother does it because her back is always cold, and the fact that she has had hip surgery in the 1990s but still does not have full functioning of it. It’s just a hassle for her, even if I help her. But mainly she gets cold when she takes her clothes off. My mother is 92yo.

Your mom is 81 and she's able to handle herself living all alone. I would be proud of her. Don't shame her please.  If  its really bothering you, get her a new dress and help her try it on.  Make a fun evening out of it, with makeup and what not!  Cherish those small moments...at the end, its those nonsensical silly situations that we share with that person stays in our memories.

she refuses to go to a senior center to be with people around her age. she has no friends. she's home by herself most of the time, except when I visit her about 4 days out of the week after work. IF she needs to go to the grocery store, she'll go out, one day, or wait for me on a sunday to take her. she takes anti depressants. the doctor suggested a stronger one, that may open her appetite, but she refuses.
we went to the cemetery to visit my dad, who passed away 5 years ago. we go to the dr, and he suggests things to her, like going to a senior center, volunteering, etc. she yes's him to death, and before we're even out of the office, she tells me she's not going to do any of that.
I love my mother, and we've always been close, but you can see my frustration.

Your mother has gotten good advice about things she should do for her own well-being. I think adjusting the anti-depressant should be the first step, and it probably will make the other steps easier.

But your mother chooses not to take the doctor's advice. And not yours either. I can see why that is terribly frustrating for you. You love your mother and don't want to see her in this state.

But in the whole picture, the clothing issue isn't likely to be the most important part to focus on. If she were feeling less depressed and isolated, the clothing issue may take care of itself.

I don't know how you can get her to try a med adjustment, or to socialize even a little. But those seem to me issues that are worth trying to work on, and not so much the clothing.