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Mom is 85 years old and was diagnosed with dementia (Alzheimers) 3 years ago. She's been a memory care facility since then. This isn't really the mom I grew up with, she can be very sweet and funny, but more often than not, she's extremely rude/mean/bitchy to my daughters and even my 8 year old granddaughter. I ignore her most of the time and leave if she's too rude, but my kids and grandkids take her actions to heart. I know this is her illness, that her brain is "broken" but I'm having a hard time getting the message through to my kids. How can I explain this to them? I don't want them to stop visiting, but it can be painful for them. I'm trying to figure out the triggers, for this action, so far it's random but happening more and more often.
Thanks in advance, I've been reading this forum for 3 years, this is my first time asking a question.

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I don't know the age of your kids, but to be honest, there is never too early an age to explain things to our kids. They are often more understanding than adults. You will simply tell them about Alzheimer's and that it is a disease that some people get as they age. That it effects the brain so that it is unable to remember, to think clearly. Most kids are familiar now with computers early on, and it often works to tell them that it is as though the wiring went wrong and nothing works as it once did. You can give explanation and have them watch a few Teepa Snow videos. Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Your 8-year-old granddaughter is far too young to be able to understand that her great grandmother has a broken brain and doesn't mean the "rude/mean/bi**hy" things she says to her, so PLEASE for the love of God keep her home when you and your daughters got to visit your mom.
And if your daughters don't want to go visit that's ok too, as they are grown adults and can make that decision for themselves.... as can you matter of fact.
And perhaps you are visiting her only a couple times a month may be less stressful for you as well. You can call the nurses station to check on her as much as you want but try limiting your visits.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Stop taking an 8 year old to be subjected to this.
Your adult daughters can decide whether they want to visit . If they choose to visit , they can be short.
A broken brain is how you explain it to them . The adults can read about dementia to learn more.
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Reply to waytomisery
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I see no reason to expose an 8 year old to the unkind demented ratings of a great grandmother. Your adult daughters can decide themselves whether to go see grandma on their own time. I wouldn’t pressure them let alone the great grandchild to have collective or individual grandma time. In fact, you don’t have to either.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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You can talk with her doctor(s) about whether medication might possibly reduce her anger, aggression, and/or agitation-- whatever is causing her to react this way. It can be effective in calming dementia patients down. This is a benefit to them as well, since it's not pleasant for them to be in such a distressed state.

I'm very sorry you're experiencing this. It's hard to realize that the next generations are not going to know your loved one in the positive way that you did. I hope you will get some solutions.
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Reply to MG8522
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