Mom just went into a nursing home and is insisting we bring her valuable bracelets. What should we do? - AgingCare.com

Mom just went into a nursing home and is insisting we bring her valuable bracelets. What should we do?

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She had two very valuable Italian gold bracelets that her mother gave her. She has worn them all her life. Very heavy, very valuable. We always keep them at home when she goes to the hospital. But now that she is in the nursing home for good she wants them.. We are afraid they will get stolen, her mother wanted them passed on from generation to generation to the girls so they stay in the family. She is telling us she wants to feel close to her mother before she dies.. What should we do? The nurse told me today its not a good idea.

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Bring her her mother's rosary and prayer book, and a statue or holy picture. Try something personal, her mother's lap quilt or sweater.
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I would definitely NOT take the bracelets as I can almost guarantee you they will be stolen. Someone stole my mother's Kindle out of her room while she was in the dining room. We did get her another one, but not until we put a doorknob on her closet door with a key lock (she wears the key around her neck). So when she leaves the room, she locks the Kindle up. With a dementia patient, however, that's probably not feasible. I just can't wrap my head around the mindset of someone who would steal from an elderly person's NH room. Any stealing is bad but that's just abhorrent.
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Don't take the bracelets! They either will be stolen, or taken off and forgotten; or another dementia resident will think they are theirs.

It doesn't matter what the type of facility either, stuff walks.

I'd take a picture of the granddaughters wearing the bracelets and make it into a big poster for her & placed in her room. Maybe have them holding a picture of their great-grandmother so the circle is complete.

True story - when my mom was in IL she continued to wear 2 sets of wedding rings hers & my dads and her parents 75th anniversary set. She wanted me to wear them once she died. One night visiting her, she was all about they had been stolen. Now I was there for lunch that day and she was wearing them. So maybe 5 hours later. She was insistent they were stolen along with other things (shoes & hair clips were regularly "stolen") and I should call the police. Well after lunch she always went and sat in her rocker in front of the TV in her room. And there they were on the floor next to the back legs of the rocker. They just fell off her fingers when she napped. When I showed them to her, she insisted that whomever had stolen them broke back into her apartment and put them there. Was not ever going to believe that they just fell off her skinny fingers either....Took them home that night as you knew it was going to happen again and probably not in her room.
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My Dad was in the jewelry business and of I have some pretty expensive things that I wear all the time . I have already told my family that if I need emergency care or have to go to a facility later on, take the stuff off of me and lock it up! I know you want to please your mother but you will never see the bracelets again. My aunt , who had Alzheimer's, had several pieces removed from her person. Please don't do this ----it would be such a heartfelt loss for you and the rest of your family.
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Absolutely do not take the bracelets to the nursing home unless you want them stolen. I can tell you with almost certainty that they will be gone in a short period of time.

I am afraid that if you bring them with you to let your Mother see or hold, she will not want you to take them back home. You do not say if your Mom has a mental or physical issue but leaving them at the home is NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!
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lsmiami.....please pass the Buddha!
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Sylvia - I have dealt with 5 different kinds of dementia and one patient with Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS): Alzheimer's, alcohol dementia, infarct dementia (heart insufficiency caused lack of blood to the brain and some brain cell death), fronto temporo lobe dementia (FTD) and drug induced dementia. In the early stages, it is of interest to know the cause (ONLY if it's easy to ascertain because, don't forget, you'd be putting a person with the inability to understand what's being done to them through a lot of tests). The only real justification early on is if there is memory loss from an organic cause and not truly dementia. If the cause can be fixed, sometimes the memory problems can be reversed. But if it is truly dementia, in the long run it's not going to matter much which kind because each patient reacts differently to the frustration of memory loss, losing things (believing their stuff is stolen), worrying about money, wanting to stay in their own home, getting varying degrees of paranoia or anger, etc. Most of it depends more on the personality of the person than the type of dementia they have. Even my guy with ALS was frustrated by his increasing inability to communicate and would get just as angry as any dementia patient ever did. The difference was that even though his brain was working, his body eventually didn't cooperate so unlike a dementia patient, he lost the ability to act out.
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Tell her they do not allow valuable jewelry, instead offer costume pieces. Any pictures of her mom you can bring? Any other family heirlooms, that are not financially valuable? Italian, I assume maybe Catholic, perhaps a religious statue or cards? These sorts of things are not worth stealing but can remind you of family. Maybe you can encourage her to pass these to beloved grand kids.

Funny story to lighten the mood....
Granny gave me my inheritance while living. She was in her early 90s and assumed her days were limited. First a bunch of family pictures, dating back to 1908, these I had requested to decorate my first apartment with some of the cooler studio shots, some of my ancestors were pretty good looking Impressed with the fact I respected her pictures, she entrusted me with her prize possession. She had a Buddha which had been the last gift she received from grandfather, before he passed unexpectedly. I was not a fan of Asian art and this was more of a drugstore than gallery variety piece. With tears in her eyes she asked me to take it because she thought I showed the most respect for old things and she was afraid it would be abandoned.,,,,she wanted me to adopt the fat fella. I bit my tongue and made peace with the fact he crashed my decor and set him in a place of honor in my apartment. Five years later granny died.

Granny was not very friendly to most non family members, but she liked one cleaning lady who occasionally did some companionship caregiving. The lady called me a few days after granny's funeral, she had been cleaning my place and in desperation called out to granny for help while rubbing the Buddha belly, her financial hardship was resolved as she won a modest lottery of about $60,000.

Buddha is still in my place.
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Thank's everyone for the helpful advice I will keep you posted on how things go..
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Sylvia I do not know how much it cost the family to do it, but it works as far as taking them to her everyday Mmm..idk about that with her having dementia alz, Mmmm, that can be a little trouble she may get upset each time , unless you show her when you first get there and do not let her keep them in her hands cus my friend, alz patient are stronger with the disease,just wanted you to know that
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