Mom (81) wants to stay put. Any suggestions moving forward? - AgingCare.com

Mom (81) wants to stay put. Any suggestions moving forward?

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My mom lives in the Midwest, me on East Coast, two siblings on the West Coast . Mom and I talked today. She said she doesn't want to move and in fact said, "Nursing home, cremation, give my things to the Salvation Army and you and ___(my sister) take the mementos, and scatter my ashes in..."

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Don't feel guilty! So many times, people pick up a load of guilt where there is none needed. Your mom is happy and has a plan. Just because YOUR expectation is to be taking care of her forever, does not mean that SHE wants that. And if your in-laws or anyone objects (if they think it was your idea!), tell them, this is how she wants it and who am I to deny mom what she wants. What a blessing to have an emotionally healthy parent!
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If she's content where she is, moving her would be very disruptive. Help her find an appropriate living situation, and don't feel guilty.
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Sounds like she has a plan. Ask her which one of you (or someone else) should carry out her wishes if she is unable to herself. Get the paperwork done.
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Ask her for a DPOA and a Health Care Proxy for starters. Then carry out her wishes.
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