What if Mom wants to revoke her POA she signed?

First of all, your POA doesn't authorize you to force your mother to go anywhere if she is still considered competent to make a decision on her own. If she is competent to make such a decision then she is competent to revoke your POA.

How will she afford assisted living if she can't afford in home care? Medicaid?

What stage does her doctor say her Alzheimer's is? Has the doctor assessed her competency?

As her doctor told her what level of care she actually needs?

Possibly adult protective services could help you somehow.

Otherwise, as long as she is competent, she can dig her heals in until an accident takes place that puts her in the hospital where you can tell the discharge social worker that you can't take care of her at home.

Maybe some others will have additional ideas.

Has she been tested? Mom was classified delusional, depressed and somatoform disorder (has illnesses that are not real). We petitioned for Guardianship and it was immediately granted. The Judge understood her need to be in Assisted Living. Cost was about $3000, paid from her funds.

At this point she is still competent to live at home with my help for errands, taking her to appts, doing her checkbook, paying her bills, etc. However my concern is for the future. She was diagnosed with alzheimers. So im trying to look 'down the road' to when the current arrangement isnt enough. If a catastrophic medical event doesnt force a move, it will fall on my shoulders to determine when she needs assisted living. Since she has lived by herself for 30+ years, it will not occur voluntarily i dont think. Of course no one knows the future...im simply trying to determine what course of action to take if the day comes i need to move her and she refuses. Maybe im trying to plan prematurely and the doctor can help when the time comes.

SherylBeth, have you activated and used your POA? I ask because I just read an article here that said that people need to update their POAs every 5 years or the banks often consider them stale after that point if they have not been used yet. If your mom's POA documents are old, they may need updating for her benefit and yours.

I understand your desire to plan ahead. Have you discussed Assisted Living with your mom? Could you take her to visit a couple of facilities so that she can see how home-like and nice they are? In my experience, my aging relatives thought that the only option to home was a bleak, drab nursing home from the 1960s. They were surprised to find nice apartments, beautiful dining rooms and lots of fun activities. Maybe you can start to gradually introduce the idea to her.

I can try to bring up visiting an assisted living facility but i know she wont want to because all she wants really is for me to move into her house with her. I have told her that if she will move to somewhere closer to me, my son, and his family so I have help when needed (she now lives about 20 miles away), we can live together. But she wont leave her house so we are making do as things are for now. I thought we could find a rental home and live together until she declines to the point that she needs placement, but she wont agree to it. I pick up my grandchildren from school each day and sometimes take them to their after school activities if its earlier than when their parents get home. Mom said, "Well i have 10 grandchildren and i never took care of any of them."....meaning i shouldnt do that so i could move in with her. She is at that point that she no longer cares about other's wants or needs and is focused only on what she wants. I told her we both have to sacrifice giving up our current residences to find a place that works for both of us if she wants me to live with her...so that idea was quickly dropped by her. I also cant bring my cat or dog to her home because there is no yard (patio home). She wants me to give up what i love and what makes me happy and im not going to do it when there is another alternative. So until something forces a move, things will just stay the way they are. My POA was signed 6 months ago...

Shes lonely because she wont socialize....doesnt want to go to adult day center because she says she doesnt want to be around a bunch of people who have dementia...(like her!). My hands are tied to do anything to improve her life with her unwillingness to do anything.

So Sherylbeth, if she won't compromise, she'll become a ward of the state. That would be sad since you're willing to do for her.

When that time comes, it may be because her dementia has advanced to the point where she can be deemed incompetent and it won't be an issue. But, you might line up the physician, social worker, and and eldercare attorney who will help you out and begin to build a relationship with them.

Letting a person with moderate dementia who has lost judgement, perspective, reasoning ability and empathy be in charge and make truly bad decisions about big moves is generally a mistake, albeit a well-intentioned one. You have to think hard about what is best for her, and avoid doing anything that will destroy your life and in the long run not preserve hers. Sure, she would like to stay in her own familiar place for the rest of her life, and she wants to have support and care there - but if she is asking too much - and frankly, asking you to abandon your own children and grandchildren, she is - you mustn't give in to that. Give her the choices that can reasonably be given.

I appreciate your responses very much. I know her doctor will help me when the time comes since he is aware of her issues and will be keeping tabs on how she is doing and the extent of her decline as time goes by. If she becomes much worse, im sure he will help me. How do i contact a social worker?

Social workers are usually associated with a hospital or skilled care facility and help with discharge planning and placement when needed. You might contact your area agency on aging for further information about resources in your area. They may be able to put you into contact with a care planner who can give you advice about facilities in your area and may have some thoughts about helping your mom make the transition.

Hello. I am not sure why you need a social worker. Social workers who are employed or contracted with an agency could only help you if you contact their agency. Social Workers in private practice do psychotherapy or counseling. Counseling isn't a bad idea; an impartial person to help you make decisions for you, your mother, children and grandchildren. Best wishes Linda, LCSW