She had bad seizure, blind, doesn't eat good, depressed, often suicidal. She's also an alcoholic but won't admit it, pointing out I drink so what's wrong with her having 1 or 4 or 10 she likes the taste and it takes the edge off. She also thinks that I'll let her move out, I just don't know if I can enforce that even though I have POA. Her boyfriend doesn't help cause he buys her booze whenever they go out together. She's forgetful, a miser, secretive, hides money to fund her escape and then forgets where she hid it. I want to know to what lengths I can go. Can I ban alcohoL from her including not letting her boyfriend buy it for her, etc. I also want to limit her access to her bank account. Every time I tell her she fell down because she drank too much she doesn't believe me. She's always depressed, doesn't see any value to living but still insists that since other blind people get along and completely ignores the fact that because of her seizures and the mini strokes she's had in the past that the DR says she can't live by herself. So can I enforce an alcohol ban, and if boyfriend won't cooperate cut him off, put her on a strict budget, etc. Can I do this? I have gotten advice on how to deflect some of her statements to avoid fights and it works most of the time. She's also falls, due to drunkenness or other physical problems and sheer cussedness in walking without her cane. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly. I am the oldest, the most able mentally, financially and emotionally to care for her and i recently learned that I have my limits cause I lost it with her the other day when she went off saying she had nothing so she might as well die. I ended up screaming at her "Live, Live!" Someone said she had the right to fall that it was part of her elder rights. If parents can set limits for a teenager who's into drugs and alcohol, then why can't I set the same limits for an 80 year old who acts like a 2 yr old who can't have her binky. so I'm learning to deal, have a sister who can help watch her when I have to work. I guess I keep coming back to wanting to know just how far I can go without stepping into or across the line into abuse just because I won't let her have her way...advice
Once you can demonstrate that she no longer has mental capacity, you can roll up your sleeves and get to work. But even then, you're supposed to help her continue her habitual lifestyle; so you could limit her drinking, but it would be borderline unethical to ban it altogether. Besides, what for? The aim is to make her safe and comfortable, not to transform her into a paragon of healthy living.
Believe me, I know how incredibly frustrating it is. Brings tears to the eyes.
With a history of strokes and alcholism, she probably doesn't have a long life expectancy. Maybe the best course is just to enjoy her now, while you still have her.