My mom is living in a ALF but wants to get out and live independently, she insists I find an apartment for her. Has anyone been there? - AgingCare.com

My mom is living in a ALF but wants to get out and live independently, she insists I find an apartment for her. Has anyone been there?

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Four years ago she fell into a deep depression while trying to take of my dad, who had cancer and dementia. My other sister in another state took her in for alittle while but it didn't work out and told me to find a ALF for mom. She has been in one ever since in my town and I have been there for her from day one. She has come out of her depression but she doesn't realize all that has to be done in order for to live on her own. She is very hard headed and gets angry easily, it's probably not the best thing but I try to avoid not getting her in that way. I feel like she will be able to cook, clean (to a point) and she is able to wash and dress by herself. Part of me feels she can do it but for how long, then what? I hate to be the one to say no. She likes to shop at thrift stores, don't mind doing that with her or any kind of shopping. She doesn't drive and her legs are alittle weak but she gets around. My husband doesn't think it's a good idea, we use to go shopping back in the day and part of me wants that again. Right now she has a roommate that she hates and just wants some peace and quiet. I am torn, I don't know what to do even though I know what she wants. I know I am rambling on but I don't feel like I have anyone I can REALLY talk to, I have four siblings but I don't have or want anything to do with them. I have till the end of September before something has to happen whatever that is, I just want some peace too.
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I have to smile at this one. She wants to live independently, but she needs you to arrange it. What else would she need someone else to arrange/do for her if she got an apartment? She has people to do things for her right where she is.
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I think it all depends on the reasons why they are in AL in the first place. You didn't mention why she is there, but I am assuming there are obvious reasons for her safety, etc.

What I found with my own parents, MIL, etc. is that they start to lose their reasoning abilities and are not aware of all the concerns we, as caregivers have for them. Does she have dementia? Depending on the severity, that is a huge reason to not live independently.

I found that reiterating the reasons to them, and this can be difficult; but necessary, helped them to understand the reasons why they could not live independently. Don't be surprised if your reasons are met with hostility, blame and guilt trips. It is the nature of what is happening to them. It is very sad, but when you know in your heart that they are in the right place and you are doing the best you can, it does help.

Wishing you the best with all this, and you are not alone, that is for sure. Blessings to you and take care.
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