By all means, you must let your mother die at home. I agree that this is the last final important wish of many elders (like me). Please make sure she is at home and not in a facility - you'll never forgive yourself if you allow that. However, work with the medical people and get her whatever "machinery" or other equipment that she needs that could be used at home. As to forcing someone to go to the ER, I think if someone is very ill and obviously dying, then those wishes must be respected. It is her life and her choice. But try to find help for her at home. It can be done.
Well you shouldn't let her suffer at home. You should get her on hospice immediately. They will help her be as comfortable as possible while she remains at home as she wants. Does she have oxygen? I will also mention that morphine will help with "air hunger". Please have the doctor get hospice for her!
If you are a strong person then fill her wishes. My Mom had COPD and wanted to die at home. We carried out her wishes. I have 2 brothers and her decision wasn't easy on us. We were scared, didn't know what to expect, It is frightening for them not to be able to breath. Most likely your mom is petrified. Her Dr. should prescribe morphine to ease the anxiety (that is if she's close to passing). The morphine will help her relax. Also she will give up eating and that's where you have hospice come into your home. They will supply a hospital bed, send someone to bath her, and check on her overall health. In NYS hospice can not be called in until she is near death (6 weeks I think) then all medication is stopped and they come in to take care of her basic needs. They are truly wonderful. Talk to her Dr. and they will put you in touch with hospice. (((hugs))) I know how terrible this stage is for the family.
You got it sweetheart. Can you get her to accept hospice? Maybe a consult with them will help her understand that she is in complete control and her wishes will be fulfilled.
Great big hugs! Remember to take care of you during this time.
Memax7 24 min ago Thank you. Shes back home from hospital. Needs help, but doing well. She doesn't want "strangers" in her home. So what do we do about care for a few hours and wkends?
I think that you need to get aides in who will go along with the ruse that they are "friends". It's called a therapeutic fib.
MeMax, I think you all need to put your foot down and make it very clear that you wish to honor her desire to pass at home, but she needs to allow hospice and aides to come help or you will not be able to do this. Period, end of discussion. Mom, we either have hospice and aides or you have to go to a facility. There are no second choices.
Hospice isn't there all that much, even if you have a service everyday from them it is usually less then an hour for the visit.
She needs to be made to understand that you guys need the professional help as much as she does. It is completely irrational to expect untrained people to deal with end of life, especially when they have an illness that is scary to deal with. As much as they think it's all about them, it's not really.
Get all of her caregivers on the same page and present a united front that this needs to happen to honor her wish of dying at home.
Hospice will be a great help once they are there. They have dealt with all this before. Wonderful answer below for you that you know did nail it, so call hospice now. They know how to handle every patient's approach. They will be an enormous support to you, and yes, it is as simple as saying that she may not need the support but that YOU DO. Good luck and keep us all informed how it is going for you. There are many in your corner hoping this goes as well as it can go.
i will keep you posted.
Many thoughts of comfort are with you this day.
Great big hugs! Remember to take care of you during this time.
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Memax7
24 min ago
Thank you. Shes back home from hospital. Needs help, but doing well.
She doesn't want "strangers" in her home. So what do we do about care for a few hours and wkends?
I think that you need to get aides in who will go along with the ruse that they are "friends". It's called a therapeutic fib.
Is she on Hospice?
((((hugs)))))
Hospice isn't there all that much, even if you have a service everyday from them it is usually less then an hour for the visit.
She needs to be made to understand that you guys need the professional help as much as she does. It is completely irrational to expect untrained people to deal with end of life, especially when they have an illness that is scary to deal with. As much as they think it's all about them, it's not really.
Get all of her caregivers on the same page and present a united front that this needs to happen to honor her wish of dying at home.