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Everyone has a right to die at home if that is their wishes, but no one needs to suffer. Get in contact with your doctor, so they can recommend a hospice agency in your area (you may call them directly yourself if you are familiar with them). A coordinator will come to your home and set everything up for you. A nurse will come periodically according to the needs of the client and caregivers. Your Mom will be given comfort meds according to her needs and will pass away peacefully and respectfully.
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Reply to Monica50
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Neither! You need to get her on hospice.....NOW!
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TaylorUK May 3, 2019
No she doesn't - they can come to the house and care can be given there. You cannot just shunt people into a hospice to suit you if they have expressly said they want to be at home. If you cannot cope then it may have to be considered but no one has to die in a hospice if care at home is available, their choice, and acceptable to the carer.
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We are now at ER. Talking with nurse about hospice. Thank you all for your great support and ideas!!
i will keep you posted.
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Psalms23 May 5, 2019
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Especially if she is at the end - let her remain at home.

I can't tell you how many people told me to put my DH into a Nursing Home, but I knew he didn't want to go to a NH and I promised him that unless it was absolutely necessary, he would never go back to the hospital again either.

I allowed him to remain at home until he passed on - and I got to witness him reliving his life as a car salesman when he talked in his sleep. I was there when his deceased first wife came for him and the next day his deceased older brother came. The day before he passed, they must have come in droves for the way he stared up and the ceiling, looking everywhere. He had lost his faith years earlier but the joy, the rapture on his face that last morning before he slipped into the coma, I knew he was seeing everyone he had lost over the 96+ years.

Don't take that away from her or yourself. But do call Hospice/HomeHealthCare because they can make her more comfortable at home with help for breathing.
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LarkInTN May 5, 2019
What a beautiful reply!
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Copy and past this in your browser. You will see many hospice options in your area. Call now. They will explain all the details. Don’t allow your mom to suffer. There is no reason she should have to go to a hospital to die or to suffer any longer.

Cambridge, WI Hospice
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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My mom passed away at home in 1997 on hospice care. She had COPD and did not want to go to the hospital either. She died at home very comfortably with family and friends gathered. The hospice workers were great.
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Reply to Arlyle
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Is she on hospice? If so, call the nurse and use the comfort pack.
if she wants to pass at home, let her.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Most people call in hospice or palliative care if someone is terminally ill.

To die not being able to breathe from COPD is an unknown, and likely to result in
a very traumatic and painful death, hard on the patient, even harder on the family caring for your Mom.

She should have a DNR executed and posted on the fridge, so when you do call 911, (and you will when you see her suffering without the proper meds), the paramedics will know about her wishes, and act accordingly. She could also change her mind if able to speak.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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I'm so sorry you are going through this, not being able to breath is a horrible way to suffer and I hope you will take the advice below to get in home Hospice there asap to evaluate things. They should be able to make mom more comfortable at home hopefully but certainly without the ER as she passes. Their goal wont be to prolong her life it will be to make her passing as comfortable as possible and take the concerns about how to help away from you and the family to simply allow you to spend the time left with mom not watching her suffer. I warn you they will probably need to slow her breathing so much that there wont be much visiting interaction and she may go quickly but if that means more peacefully to me that's well worth it. I'll be sending positive thoughts our way.
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Reply to Lymie61
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You need hospice at once. They will keep your Mom medicated at home below the level of suffering. A death from COPD is suffering indeed if the patient is not medicated below the level that it can be felt; imagine a slow suffocation. Please ask for hospice at once, whether at home or in hospice care itself as an inpatient. I am so sorry for what you are all having to endure.
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