Mom wants to die and is on hospice because of renal failure and CHF but her vitals are strong. Any suggestions?


She is stuck. It's hard to watch her and listen to her begging for God to take her. She is so anxious and we just keep telling her only he knows when it's her time and evidently there is something left to do. The only way to keep her from being so anxious is to keep her sedated and I feel awful about that. Does anyone have any suggestions to help us through this situation?

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So much wisdom and good advise in the above answers. I would just mention that sometimes people hang on for a special event such as a birth or marriage. others have something to confess so need a minister. the arrival of her daughter may be significant. Allow them plenty of privacy so that what ever has to be said can be done in confidence. Keep her comfortable even if it means sedation, that is your job with or without hospice.
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Maggie, I never knew I could let my dad go, until I saw the pain and suffering. It was then I knew I had to let go in order to make him happy. Sometimes they stay longer for us to make sure we're ok. Ugh, so hard, so hard!!!
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God. Why on earth do you feel bad doing the very thing your mom needs to have peace? I just don't understand people.

Contact Hospice. They will give you the courage and strength you need to stand proudly beside your mom as she takes her final journey. Losing one's mom is devastating. Watching them suffer, psychologically or physically, is even worse.
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thank you for sharing your experience. We thought mom was waiting to see my oldest sister who was coming from Ohio. She got here last night and we thought she was going to go but she is still here this morning. Something left to do I guess
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Donna. I am a paid and not paid (family has Alzheimer's and PPA), caregiver.

One of my clients last year had Congestive heart failure. I was with her many hours of the day (over 12) 7 days a week, and therefore not being her daughter, sometimes, as a caregiver, they will share things that are not share with son's or daughters. It is just the way it is.

She never talked about dying, but she knew she was. Every once in a while. I would take her out and drive in the Summer, and we drove through all the places that had memory to her. She was an incredibly negative woman, but her death was last October, 2014.
I had a hard time staying with her, because at times her attitude was really really nasty, and she knew two people that would care for her and love her (my husband and I).

S passed on in my arms in October, and it was not until the last 24 hours of her life, that she became very real with me and said some of the sweetest things, I had to look to make sure it was her.

What I realized is this. I came to her house every day because she was very sick.

What would anyone be like if they knew within the next two years if they are going to die.
The answers varies as the number of people in this world.
Some are positive until they cannot beat the disease.
Others, are really worried people all of their life, and are determined they are going to die tomorrow. etc.

What I did, was bite my tongue a lot. Listen to the medical doctors and nurses. She was in the hospital for two month's and then the rest of the month's in a Nursing Home, as she did not want anyone to see her the way she was. (Interesting, she was sick, but still had her vanity), then that eventually left, every day was a process.
One week before she passed away, she said, I think I am dying. She said, should I be scared? I said, I don't know, how do you feel. She said, I have been so incredibly anxious about this, and have been so horrible to people because I was so afraid to die, but I have complete peace about me.

Long story short. Everyone is different, be prepared for the good and bad. Little fun things go a long way. I found that she started sleeping a lot towards the end.

Talk to her doctor, and or a counselor, because to me, what stage is she in? How long does she have to live? Some people are very hyper sensitive to illness, and that is all they do is either talk about dying, or the illness.

Find a group of people to reach out to where you can talk. This is a great place. We are there to support you.

Good Luck.
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It was hard accepting the fact that I had to let my dad go. I agree with the above comments, she may be holding on if she knows you are upset. Letting go is the hardest thing. I'm so sorry. :(
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I second what Pam has said and want to add calm your own energy too. If she sees you upset, she may want to hold on, but try to find a way to lessen the energy as best you can, tell her it's ok if she wants to go. Be with her.
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Ask her to talk to those who have gone before here, ask them to guide her. Do not deprive her of the morphine, or the anxiety meds. Call in her minister or rabbi to counsel her. You fight the toxins from the renal failure with haldol if you need to alleviate hallucinations. Ask family members to come and visit her for short periods. Comfort first.
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