Mom wants to control my life! Any advice?

Follow
Share

I have made plans to take my son 2 places this year. Once in few weeks, and then few days in June to beach. However, all she wants to do is spoil my plans. She said " you can't go 2 places in one year!" My friends you've got to be kidding. The last time I check I am a grown woman capable of making choices for me and son. I don't get to do much with my son ever because of all I do for her or taking her here & there. This whole living arrangement has became too much for me. I am so very unhappy, and she is so very selfish, and self absorbed. She doesn't even take into account or relize how much of my life has been given up to care for her. 7 years as of now. One thing that's making other options difficult is we are financially tied at the hips. I drive her car, and she makes the expensive payment. Never letting me forget. I pay insurance, and all gas. Then we bought the place we live in together. I have paid half of it also for 7 years. I geuss I need to just get a car which she doesn't want me to then I wouldn't be covering her car expensives. Lately she has been saying hurtful little comments. I believe out of jealousy, but it does hurt my feelings. Sometimes I feel like a robot in this caregiving role, and If I could go back I'd never moved in with her. Feels like a nitemare I can't be set free from.
sorry for all the venting. I appreciate all you who read this, and are saying to yourself "I totally know how she feels and know what she has been going through" I only wish I could be stronger like some of you, and break free from the chain. If I only didn't have to live with her. I'd still cook, and take her to appts. grocery shop for her, the whole nine bascically. Any suggestions or feedback is great. Depression is another part of my life that I feel wouldn't be if it wasn't for all this stress.
Thanks for listening.
Kelly:)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
I'm going to tell you to go on these trips and have fun. Seven years is a long time to take care of someone with dementia. Are you looking into having a relative stay with her or maybe a nursing home? I don't know how far along she is but taking a break and taking your son with you is a good idea.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

New vocabulary word circuitous " longer than the most direct way" Sounds like a lot of curves!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Kelly, your mother is emotionally blackmailing you. While you can't change her, you can stop participating in the dance. This probably will require the help of a therapist, but it's about the only way to fully break the chain.

Yes, I believe that you do have situational depression that is coming form all of this stress from the situation.

I've written a thread about this and how to defeat it. I hope you get a chance to read it.

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/power-of-emotional-blackmailers-176430.htm

Get some outside help for your mother and get help for you as well. Your hands are full enough being the single mom of a 13 year old son.

Take care and keep in touch.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Oh! and being flexible with the plan is important. The goal is clear but the path might be a bit circuitous. Thats OK!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i'm so sorry you are going through this Kelly. I'm not even going to comment on how inappropriate your mother is being, that goes without words. What I will say is this. It sounds like you would like to be living independently from your Mom but the thought of what you need to do to get there is too overwhelming. Sometimes you need to make a long term plan and then break it into small steps and just focus on the step at hand. I think a great initial action would be to get your own car.

You can make your plan without knowing HOW to do it all. Often if you just take care of one thing the solution to the next step will be more clear. You are already taking the very frst step. You are admitting this is something you want maybe even need to do and talking about it.

I wish you all the best and hope you find this forum to be as helpful as I have.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Kelly, your mom's brain is broken. She can't process plan making, so don't tell her what you're going to do until the day of the event.

Is you depression being treated? Post back, and take care!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.