Mom wants out of her assisted living facility and is threatening me. What do I do?

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When I go to see her she is verbally abusive and says she is not "crazy" and will call a lawyer to get her out. She says she wants to go to florida to see her "real" family. I feel very bad for her because she is so unhappy. I know she misses her cat but her home was not safe for her. She has mild dementia and she fell at home and was always in a panic. She is also accusing me of taking all her money. I don't know how to cope

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Unless you have the abilities and she has the income or investments, to have caregivers in the home with her, Windyridge is right....do not bring her home, if she is diagnosed with dementia. It WILL only keep getting worse. If she is actually still deemed competent and one can reason with her, you could have the conversation with her about what the conditions would have to be for her to go back into her home. I've offered my Mom choices for two extra years now....an alarm system, with a panic necklace, and video camera so I can see if she OK from where I live 5 hours away... many trips back and forth to check on her and Dad, who is placed in memory care already. I've offered to bring Dad home with her with caregivers coming in for him, as he is already Medicaid approved and we could have 20 hours/week paid for, but she nixes or is non compliant with many things offered. So we've reached the point where she has caregivers 6 hours a day, and we're having a neuro psych eval done again, and if they recommend no driving, she'll have to have a driving eval to continue her own driving. She has long term choices....her and Dad moving in with family in another state, or both being placed together in an assisted living that has memory care for my dad. No other choices....and her time is running out to stay home, because her money is running out. She's not happy and has driven me nuts doing all this for her and she really doesn't even appreciate that she's gotten two more years of living at home because I was willing to try to work with her. But...it still gets impossible and she'll still need to be in AL in the end. My youngest daughter was just saying on the phone today, that she believes we shouldn't have tried so hard to give the elderly a longer live because it doesn't seem to end all that well for anyone hardly. She thinks we should have left it in GOD'S hands when long enough living was long enough!
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As tough as it might be don't bring her home. You'll end up going through the struggle to get her in care all over again. Sometimes we have to do what's best for our loved ones even though they don't understand any longer. Her dementia will continue no matter where she is.
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my aunt is in NH right now and sometimes wishes she could live in a shed on her old home place as opposed to the existance she has now . i know the converted chicken coop she speaks of . id rather live in the shed myself .
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looking around my home this am and recollecting memories of a glorified motel room at AL -- id rather die here than exist on someone elses schedule .
you should reword " her home was not safe for her " to " ( i think ) her home was not safe for her " . otherwise your of the mindset that you know whats best for an elder with many percentage points more life experience than yourself .
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